The Perfect Gift
by LMS
Summary: It's Christmas time in Sunnydale. While the slayer and The Scoobies are shopping for perfect gifts for their friends, a group of demons show up on the Hellmouth and are looking for Spike. Buffy is the only one who can save him, but will she be too late?
1. Default Chapter

This fic is for my excellent friend Dawn who got me going on the action part of fic writing. Thanx, chicky poo! Without your constant advice I wouldn't know how and what to write! Words cannot describe how much I appreciate you, girl! You're the bestest!  
******************************************************************  
  
"Have Faith" Pt 1/?  
  
Buffy saw the fist just in time to duck. Still holding the arm of the first vampire, the slayer swung with her stake arm and the second vamp exploded into dust.  
  
Turning to the vampire in her hand, Buffy sighed. The second expected explosion of dust was carried away by a slight breeze. The hand that had been holding the vampire, emptied it's dusty contents.  
  
"Thanx, Spike. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I just can't fight ten vampires anymore!"  
  
"Don't thank me---you stake nine of the buggers before I came along! I staked the one you were HOLDING!"  
  
"Yeah, but on any other patrol I could've staked all ten and ran a marathon afterwards."  
  
A smile spread across the remaining vampire's face, "You know, you're pretty cute when you pout."  
  
Buffy couldn't help but smile. "Thanx," she replied. "I hoped you'd like it. I spent hours practicing in front of the mirror this morning."  
  
Her mischievous grin told him this was a lie but he ignored it. "And Red thinks we could never work. If only she knew your--"  
  
"I-I think we should be getting back." Buffy stopped him. "Giles and the girls are waiting and Willow should be home anytime now."  
  
Spike cleared his throat and nodded in understanding. There was a war going on and he had almost led them to a happy place. Happy places were bad right now. The slayer had a job to do and it could not be pushed aside by personal pleasure.  
  
Walking side by side, vampire and slayer left the cemetery and headed for Revello Drive and Slayer Central.  
  
"You know, you really should let yourself have a little fun once in a while. It's not good for the slayer to be so tense right before an Apocalypse." Spike gently pushed even though a voice inside his head told him not to. He had given up on listening to voices in his head as of late. The last voice almost got the Scoobies' only hostage eaten.  
  
"I do have fun! The other night the Potentials let me show them how to kill a vamp in six seconds!"  
  
Spike shook his head and cringed as it cracked in two places. "Yeah. A bloody hoot that was! You never even gave me a chance to steady myself before coming at me like a hell god who can't find her bloody key!" Buffy winced, "Sorry. I guess I got a little carried away with the tumbling."  
  
"A little? You damn near knocked my head off!"  
  
Spike's bruises still hurt but he couldn't help but smile. "Although straddling me like that, to make sure I wouldn't get away, was a brilliant idea."  
  
Buffy smiled and gently placed her hand in Spike's. Ignoring the look of horror and surprise on the vampire's face, the slayer gave a gentle squeeze. He wa right, she did need to have a little fun once in a while--despite an evil gonna destroy-the-world type war brewing.  
  
Reaching the driveway they were searching for on Revello Driver, Buffy suddenly got an idea and stopped.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
The vampire stopped and cautiously glanced at his hand then at the door. "Yeah?"  
  
"I know I've been a bit rough on you lately, what with all the hands on training and such--"  
  
"It's okay, Buffy. I offered to help remember?"  
  
"Yeah. Right. Well, just the same, I was wondering..." Buffy, still holding hands with Spike, started back up the driveway. "...if maybe you...and me could--"  
  
Suddenly the slayer's small hand was wrenched from the vampire's large one. Immediately sensing danger, Spike slipped into vamp face. An instant later, however, he was back in human form and helping Buffy off the cold, dark pavement.  
  
"Are you all right?" Spike asked with concern.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine," she replied with some anger and disappointment in her voice. "Just tripped over this suitcase. I guess Willow's home. Now where were we? Oh yeah. I was wondering--"  
  
Before she had a chance to finish, she was shoved aside and a foot met Spike's jaw which sent him reeling backwards. "Wot the bloody hell?" Another kick sent him staggering again. A series of kicks and punches flailed him without a pause.  
  
Buffy tried to help Spike but was pushed aside again and again with each try. By now Spike's nose and lip were bleeding and his right eye had begun to turn a purplish color. He was breathing hard and hardly able to stand.  
  
"Stop it!" Buffy finally cried out in frustration. "You're going to kill him!"  
  
A beautiful face with large brown eyes turned to face the slayer. The attacker's long chestnut colored hair flung around the bounced back into large curls. "Oh, sorry! Didn't know you were working up to the kill! If you wanted to stake him yourself, why didn't you just say so, B?" Smiling she rose from her fighting stance and stepped aside.  
  
Buffy sighed and tried not to roll her eyes. A look of surprise spread across the attacker's face as Buffy ran to Spike and helped him to the door. "Welcome back, Faith."


	2. Foodish

  
Buffy closed the kitchen door behind her and saw Willow making a sandwich.   
  
Ooh! Peanut butter and jelly! Yummy! Buffy pulled her jacket off and hung it on a chair.  
  
Willow smiled as Buffy sat on a stool at the counter. Would you like one? I have a whole plate of them in the fridge. I could get you one.  
  
A whole plate? Buffy asked with surprise.  
  
Willow blushed. Uh-yeah-I kinda got bored. I thought maybe you or Dawnie would like a snack or something and so I started making sandwiches--I guess I got carried away.  
  
Well lucky for you I'm starved! I'll take two please. Buffy smiled a small smile then glanced around the kitchen. So where is Dawn anyway?  
  
Willow pulled the plate of sandwiches and a carton of juice out of the fridge then closed it with her foot. Oh, she went to deliver a gift to a friend. I told her to be back by ten? Willow looked at Buffy questioningly.  
  
Buffy smiled and took a sandwich. It's okay, Will. You did good. Buffy bit into the sandwich and _mmm_ed with pleasure. Wow! This is good! Maybe you can be the mom from now on! I'll go out and slay and--and you can stay home and cook!  
  
The girls laughed and glanced at the door as Dawn walked in with Xander in tow. Immediately Xander's eyes fell on the plate of food.  
  
You ladies interested in sharing your peanut butter and jelly goodness with a very much hungry me in return for, perhaps, a few good Xander jokes or maybe some juggling?  
  
Willow smiled, Help yourself.   
  
Buffy almost shouted. No Xander jokes needed. She said with slight desperation.  
  
What? You don't like my jokes? I'm hurt. Face twisted with pretend disgust, Xander bit into a sandwich. He forgot about his act with the first bite. Wow! Will--I--wow!  
  
I know! Good huh? Buffy nodded.  
  
Ooh! Peanut butter and jelly? Dawn asked with anticipation.  
  
Yep. Just for you, Dawnie. Willow beamed as everyone sat enjoying her simple concoction. This was better than anything she could ask for.  
  
After the plate of sandwiches was emptied and the juice was drained, the stuffed Scoobies said their goodnights and headed to their beds.  
  
Buffy had made up the spare room for Xander, who sometimes felt his apartment too lonely without Anya. Xander had started staying overnight more often than not and Buffy secretly worried.  
  
Buffy crawled into bed and sighed as she hit the pillow. Christmas was less than a week away and she had no idea what to get for her friends or for Dawn. Deciding to think about it in the morning, Buffy dozed off.  
  
***  
  
A present. I have to get her a present or she won't want me anymore. Spike sat the same way he had when Dawn found him only this time he was rocking back and forth. I have to get her the perfect present-I-I have to get it or she will hate me. Spike sat still and suddenly looked immensely worried. Oh dear, oh dear, he moaned, what do you get a slayer?  



	3. Shopping

Buffy sat up in her bed and stretched. Sunlight flowed from her window and warmed her face. She smiled as smells of bacon, eggs, and pancakes wafted into her room from downstairs and filled her nostrils. Willow, I'm gonna hafta keep you forever, she said as she rushed to get dressed and get downstairs before Xander got there first.  
  
Buffy walked into the kitchen and plopped down on a stool. Willow was standing at the stove flipping pancakes. Around her slender waist was one of Joyce's aprons. Willow smiled and placed some pancakes on a plate. Have a good sleep? she asked Buffy.  
  
Actually, I did, she said, and I think it was the best sleep I've had since--in a long time. she almost whispered the last words.  
  
Willow saw Buffy staring at the apron and immediately she felt guilty. Oh, Buff, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to--I mean I needed an apron--this was all I could find. I'll take it off. Willow started to untie the apron strings.  
  
Buffy looked up at Willow and blushed, No, Willow! It's okay. I was just thinking how I missed this, Buffy pointed at the food. Besides, it looks good on you, please keep it on.  
  
Willow looked uneasy, You sure? Cuz I don't really need an apron, I just-  
Will, I'm sure. Buffy smiled, now let me at those pancakes before Xander gets here.  
  
Willow smiled with relief and tied the apron back on.   
  
A shuffling noise brought Buffy's attention to a disheveled Xander walking into the kitchen. His clothes were wrinkled, he'd obviously slept in them, and his hair was sticking out in all directions. He rubbed his eyes while sitting on a stool next to Buffy and yawned.  
  
What happened to you? Buffy was awestruck at Xander's awful appearance. You look like you haven't slept in weeks!  
  
I haven't, and I spent last night trying to come up with gift ideas for you, Willow, and Dawn. Xander yawned again.  
  
Buffy smiled at her sweet friend who had a heart of gold. Xander, you don't have to get us anything.  
  
Speak for yourself, a voice spoke from the hallway. Dawn stepped into the kitchen and smiled widely. There's this blue turtleneck I saw at the mall that has a picture of this cute turtle and it's shell is made of sequins and it looks like the turtle is under the sea cuz of the color of the sweater. Dawn finally took a breath and sighed, It's really cool. She jumped on a stool next to Xander.  
  
Morning, Dawnie. Up for some silly shaped pancakes? Willow set a plate in front of Buffy and another one in front of Xander then smiled at Dawn.  
  
Ooh! Yes, please! With whipped cream and blueberries too? Dawn's eyes shone at Willow.  
  
Of course! How can you eat pancakes without blueberries and whipped cream? Willow glanced at Buffy and Xander who were stuffing their faces with plain pancakes.  
  
Buffy swallowed her food with a sip of coffee and shrugged at Willow before looking at her sister. So you visited a friend last night? Did you have a good time?  
  
Dawn smiled widely again.  
  
Did your friend like your present? Buffy didn't want to pry. She was just trying to show her sister that she was interested and cared. Buffy knew she hadn't spent much time with Dawn and she felt guilty.  
  
He loved it! Dawn's eyes sparkled.  
  
Willow set a plate in front of Dawn. A turtle shaped pancake had blueberry eyes and a whipped cream shell. Willow smiled as Dawn dug in.  
  
Ooh! A he! New boyfriend? How come you didn't tell me? Buffy pouted slightly. She didn't want Dawn to not feel comfortable telling her these things. She was Dawn's sister and wanted to have those girl talks with her. She also didn't want to seem overprotective by having to ask Dawn questions about her love life. She just worried.  
  
Xander suddenly laughed. I don't think you could call Spike her boyfriend.  
  
Buffy choked on her pancake.   
  
Dawn shot Xander a betrayed look and he realized his mistake,   
  
Dawn, how could you? Buffy set down her fork. She had lost her appetite. I told you to stay away from him.  
  
I know you did, but it's Christmas and I thought-!  
  
I don't care what you thought! I don't want you going to see Spike and I mean it! Dawnie, he's sick-!  
  
He wouldn't hurt me, Buffy! I know he wouldn't! Dawn's eyes pleaded with her sister.  
  
Buffy suddenly realized Willow and Xander looking at their food. Both wore guilt stricken faces.  
  
You two knew about this? Buffy's eyes went from one friend to the other unbelieving. You knew and you didn't tell me?  
  
I-I'm sorry, Buffy. I didn't think--I should never have let her go--I'm so sorry! Willow looked hurt.  
  
No, it's my fault, Buff. Xander spoke, I offered to take her to see Spike. I don't like him!--But it's Christmas, Buff. She just took a present to him is all.  
  
Buffy looked at her two friends. Deep down she knew they would not have done something like this if they thought Dawn was in danger. Maybe she just panicked too much.  
  
Xander, you went with her?  
  
Xander nodded, I swear I never let her out of my sight!  
  
Please don't be mad, Buffy. Dawn looked like she was going to cry.  
  
Buffy sighed, I'm not mad, Dawnie. Just please stay away from Spike--and especially the school!  
  
Willow perked up. D-Does that mean Xander and I are off the hook too?  
  
Buffy smiled a small smile. Yes, you and Xander are off the hook too. Now let's finish eating and go Christmas shopping! Buffy bit into her eggs as the tension left the room. Everyone was all smiles.  
  
***  
  
The mall was full of people scurrying to get their last minute shopping done. Dawn and Willow had parted with Buffy at the door and agreed to meet at the food court in two hours.  
  
Buffy pouted as she browsed through store after store. It was impossible to find nice presents for her friends and sister. She wanted this Christmas to be special for them after all they had been through in the last year. She was especially worried about Dawn and how she would react to not having Joyce there for Christmas this year. Buffy didn't know how Dawnie was going to take it.  
  
Buffy was suddenly pulled from her thoughts as a scream echoed through the mall. Immediately Buffy ran towards the cry for help.   
  
Buffy followed the sound to a small crowd. She pushed her way into the crowd. Excuse me, let me through, I can help. The crowd parted and let Buffy pass. Buffy saw a redheaded woman in her late twenties or early thirties holding a baby. Tears stained her face. What happened? asked Buffy.  
  
H-He took my purse! the lady cried.  
  
Buffy stared at the woman. No demons? No vampires? Just a bloody thief? This was ridiculous! Not only did she have nothing to slay, but she was starting to talk like Spike in her head.  
  
Buffy shook the thought of Spike away and decided to help anyway. After all, the lady was still in trouble and it was up to Buffy to help her. Ma'am, what does your purse look like? Did you see who took it? What does he look like?  
  
It's an orange purse w-with a crocodile beanie baby key-chain attached to the zipper. The man was wearing a black jacket--and he had blonde hair! The woman explained every detail she could remember to Buffy,   
  
Did you see which way he went?  
  
That way, the woman pointed straight ahead of her.  
  
Stay here, I'll be right back. Buffy turned and ran the way the woman pointed.   
  
Thoughts rushed to her head. _A black jacket and blonde hair? Spike! _Buffy immediately tried to put the thought out of her head. _He has a soul now--he won't even leave the basement!_ _Besides, he still had that chip in his head and he couldn't hurt anyone or even think of hurting anyone._ _Anyway, many men have blonde hair and wear black jackets._ Suddenly, Buffy had no idea what she was doing--what she was looking for.  
  
Buffy walked past a group of men. Two of them wore black jackets and one had blonde hair. Buffy groaned within herself and let her eyes scan the group. Seeing no orange purse she looked ahead of her again, just in time to spot a flash of blonde and a black turn a corner ahead of her.  
_Spike!_ Buffy ran to catch him.   
  
Turning the corner Buffy frowned. Spike was nowhere in sight. In fact, there was nobody in sight. Buffy sighed and turned to go back to the woman. As she turned, something caught Buffy's eye. On a bench near a fountain sat a bright orange purse, a crocodile hung off the zipper. Smiling, Buffy picked up the purse and looked around before heading back to the woman.   
  
When Buffy returned with the purse, the crowd had already dispersed leaving the woman and her child alone waiting for Buffy to return. When the woman saw Buffy with her purse she was ecstatic.  
  
You found it! Oh thank you! Thank you so much!  
  
It was nothing. I didn't see the man, though. I found your purse on a bench by a fountain and there was nobody in sight, I-I checked. I'm sure you could go to the police and file a report, they will find him. As soon as she said the words Buffy regretted them. She pictured Spike in a cold, dank cell sitting alone on a filthy cement floor. It was like the basement, except for the large steel bars locking him in. At least Spike could freely leave the basement. Prison would kill him. _What happened to innocent until proven guilty'? _Buffy silently scolded herself.  
  
Oh, no, I don't think that will be necessary. I got my purse and no one got hurt. It is Christmas after all.  
  
Buffy tried not to show how relieved those words made her feel. It's your choice, ma'am. Have a good day and Merry Christmas, Buffy smiled and turned to leave.  
  
Wait. I would like to reward you.  
  
You don't have to, it's okay. I'm only happy to help. Besides, seeing you smile is reward enough. Buffy smiled then turned again to leave.  
  
This time the woman gently grabbed Buffy's arm. Please take this, the woman held out a beautiful silver tear shaped pendant with a tiny green gem in the middle. The pendant was on a plain silver chain.   
  
Buffy stared at the lovely pendant almost transfixed by it. I-I can't take that, she stammered.  
  
The woman refused to take no for an answer and placed the pendant in Buffy's hand. May your deepest heartfelt wish come true this Yuletide season. The woman smiled warmly and walked away leaving Buffy stunned.  
  
Well so much for shopping, Buffy muttered as she started towards the food court to meet Willow and Dawn. The two hours had flown by and Buffy was still presentless.  



	4. Nightmare

Buffy swept her eyes over the quiet cemetery. What? Did all the demons decide to let everyone have a peaceful Christmas this year? Don't they know that now's a good time to start planning something? After all people are vulnerable this season...they have good will and--and jolly fat men in red suits! These people are--!  
  
Xander laughed at his friend's frustration. Maybe they all chipped in to give the slayer a nice gift. Maybe they all staked themselves to give you the season off.  
  
Buffy couldn't help but smile. She was glad Xander had come patrolling with her. She needed somebody to keep her company and he was the only one she could ask. Anyway, maybe she could get some gift ideas. She was sure that Willow and Dawn had already told him what they wanted for Christmas, maybe she could sneak it out of him. She knew he would buy Dawn that sweater she wanted so Buffy had to find something else.  
  
Xander, if you could wish for one thing this Christmas, what would it be? Buffy glanced at Xander.  
  
Xander sighed heavily and Buffy barely heard his answer.   
  
***  
  
After seeing absolutely nothing at the cemetery, Buffy and Xander had called it night and headed to Buffy's house. It was early and Buffy was surprised to find Dawn sleeping and Willow on her way to bed. Willow met the two in the kitchen where she was getting a glass of warm milk.  
  
Buffy! Xander! You two are home early. Care for a cup of warm milk? Or perhaps you would like something else?  
  
Buffy smiled wearily, No thanks, Will. As for us being home early, they saw us coming and all ran and hid.  
  
Actually, we saw nothing tonight. It seems all the baddies were tired of fighting Buffy and decided to give her a break. Xander smiled at the funny look he got from the girls.  
  
Willow ignored the excuse and looked at Buffy. Buffy, can I talk to you for a sec? It's about the turkey.  
  
Sure, Will. What's up?   
  
Uh, before you gals get into a delicious conversation about dead poultry, I think I'm gonna get some shut eye. Xander smiled shyly not wanting to be caught up in the who's the best cook' routine.  
  
Buffy gently took Xander's hand in hers and squeezed it lightly. Thanks for coming tonight and keeping me company. It gets kind of tedious having a conversation with myself, I never know who to side with.  
  
Xander stared at Buffy for a moment then took Buffy's head in his rather large hands. His tired eyes were filled with a deep sadness and his smile was very weary, yet his words were soft and gentle. I'm here to help, Buff. Xander softly kissed Buffy's forehead then turned to kiss Willow on the cheek before heading up the stairs to the spare bedroom. Goodnight, ladies.  
  
Poor Xander. He must really miss Anya. Willow touched her cheek. She had sensed sorrow in his kiss.  
  
Yeah, I wish there was something I could do for him. He has been such a good friend--you all have. Buffy played with the pendant that she had fastened around her neck before meeting Dawn and Willow that afternoon. It was so pretty she thought she might as well wear it. So what did you want to talk to me about?  
  
Oh yeah. Well, I thought that since you're always out slaying and then coming home all tired and sweaty, and I'm no help sitting at home twiddling my thumbs, maybe I could make turkey dinner on Christmas Eve. I-I don't mean that you can't cook or anything! I just thought it would give you a break, some time to hang with the gang. You don't seem to have much time for that anymore.  
  
Buffy thought of the many nights she'd spent away from her friends lately. She severely missed all the fun times they had shared in high-school--minus the demons and vampires and werewolves and giant grad class eating snakes. I'd like that very much. Just spending time with you guys would be the best Christmas present ever. Buffy smiled and hugged her friend.  
  
Thanks, Buff. You won't regret it, I promise.  
  
I know I won't, Will.  
  
The two girls said goodnight and went to their rooms. Buffy slipped into her pajamas and climbed into bed. Letting her head sink into her pillow, Buffy fell asleep.  
  
***  
  
_Buffy gasped as she looked up and saw Dawn tied to the tower, blood dripping from her and making a large red puddle at Buffy's feet. A huge white flash brought Buffy's attention to the opening portal just below Dawn who screamed,   
  
I'm coming, Dawnie! Buffy started towards the tower but stopped short as a familiar figure crossed the tower and went to Dawn. Buffy felt cold as she realized who it was--it was her!  
  
Buffy watched herself untie Dawn then hug her. Buffy new what was coming as she watched herself step to the edge of the tower. She jumped. The portal closed leaving Dawn crying alone on the tower.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes for a minute then opened them. She was now standing beside a pile of broken metal and debris which seemed to have fallen from the tower. Spike was kneeling on the ground in front of her all cut up and bleeding, pure fear glazed his eyes. He didn't seem to know Buffy was there, instead his attention was on the tower.  
  
Buffy followed Spike's stare and her breath caught in her throat. Buffy saw herself standing n the edge of the tower staring into the portal below.  
  
Oh my god! Buffy realized she was watching the same thing as before. Buffy watched herself jump and a shiver went down her spine.  
  
Buffy? Buffy no don't! Spike screamed as Buffy fell into the portal closing it forever.  
  
Buffy looked down at Spike who was shaking fiercely. Tears flooded his face smearing the blood from his cuts. Choked sobs were coming from him in gasps and Buffy realized he couldn't breath. A look of unbelief burned in his eyes and a look of pain and terror washed across his face.  
  
Nooooooo! I killed her! Spike looked at his bloody hands then at the tower. I couldn't save her--I--I killed her. Spike sobbed uncontrollably with desperation.  
  
Spike, it's okay. I'm here now, see? Not dead. Buffy knelt beside Spike and put her hand on his shaking shoulder. Spike didn't seem to notice.  
  
Spike! Are you okay? Buffy looked up and saw Dawn running towards them. Spike looked up at Dawn and sprang to hug her.  
  
Oh, Niblet! I'm sorry! I couldn't save her--I tried! Spike held Dawn close and sobbed into her hair, I'm so sorry. Save me, Dawnie! Save me!  
  
Buffy watched in shock at the two mourning her death, both wracked with sobs. Suddenly she realized Dawnie hadn't even seen her. Buffy closed her eyes again.  
  
Opening her eyes Buffy saw Spike standing in front of her. They were now standing on the tower where her and Dawn had been before she jumped off. Spike's face was cut up and bleeding with bruises starting to show. This time there were no tears streaming down his face. He wasn't wearing his duster and his t-shirt was shredded, bloody wounds now showing on his chest and abdomen. Spike smiled at her.  
  
Buffy realized he could see her! She tried to move towards him but found she couldn't. Buffy saw her wrists and ankles were bound by ropes tied to the tower. Blood dripped from her feet opening a large portal below her and Spike.  
  
Spike walked towards Buffy, his smile fading. I love you, Buffy, he whispered before kissing her softly, yet passionately. A cool rush flowed through Buffy as she realized feelings she never knew she had for the vampire. Pulling out of the kiss, Spike gently caressed Buffy's cheek.  
  
Spike, I-! Spike cut Buffy off with another kiss.  
  
It's okay, luv. I know this is right. Spike kissed Buffy's forehead then turned away from her, slowly walking towards the edge.  
  
Buffy immediately realized what Spike was going to do and she pulled at her bonds. Tears started to flow down her cheeks as she panicked.  
  
Spike, you don't have to do this! Buffy voice shook. Spike, please don't, she pleaded.  
  
Don't forget me, slayer. A single tear rolled down Spike's cheek as he jumped.  
  
Buffy screamed as she watched the portal close. Her face was soaked with tears as she closed her eyes. Save me, she whispered.  
_  
***  
  
Buffy suddenly sat up in her bed. She was soaked with sweat and her head hurt. Slowly climbing out of bed, Buffy found her clothes and changed in the dark. She was shivering though her room was warm, she was shaking with fear. The dream had seemed so real. Buffy knew she was awake now but something didn't feel right, she had to go to Spike.  
  
***  
  
Buffy ran all the way to the school. She had no idea what she was doing or what she was going to say to Spike. How was she going to explain the fact that the sight of Spike jumping off the tower was embedded into her brain and she could not forget it no matter how hard she tried, and it terrified her.  
  
Buffy found her way into the school basement and started towards the place she normally found Spike. Buffy found the spot easily but frowned when she didn't see Spike.  
  
Buffy pulled out a stake and held it ready. Something felt really wrong. Spike where are you? Buffy jumped at a sound coming from a corridor ahead of her. Slowly Buffy walked towards the sound. If you are there answer me. Spike, please. It's me--Buffy.  
  
The sound of breaking glass and too many voices to count made Buffy's back go stiff. That doesn't sound good. Buffy didn't even realize she had spoken aloud. She could not count the voices but she knew there were too many for her to take by herself. Buffy didn't know who they were or what they wanted, but somehow she knew they weren't just looking for a place to crash and party. She had to find Spike and get out of there before they noticed her.  
  
The voices came closer and closer forcing Buffy to turn and run. She ran past the piled desks and bookshelves, around this corner and that, past a large door marked FURNACE: Do Not Enter', and right into Spike.   
  
Spike's eyes lit up. Spike looked into Buffy's eyes and suddenly frowned. We need to find it. No time left.  
  
Spike, we don't have time for this! We have to get out of here before-! Buffy froze as she heard the voices getting closer. Grabbing Spike's hand, Buffy started running. She could feel something behind her and she glanced over her shoulder. A dozen or more ugly demons were gaining on her and Spike. Buffy sped up.  
  
Turning a corner, Buffy saw her chance. Pulling Spike along, she ducked behind a pile of desks. The mob of demons charged past Buffy and Spike and down the hall. Buffy waited until the demons were out of sight then, still holding Spike's hand, she jumped up and started running back the way they had come.  
  
Buffy tried to think. Her and Spike couldn't outrun the demons and there were too many for the two of them to fight without weapons or back-up. _We have to hide!_, she thought. _The furnace!_ Buffy remembered passing the door to the furnace room and took a left. She could hear voices again and she knew the demons had figured out her backtracking plan. Buffy finally found the door marked FURNACE: Do Not Enter' and opened it throwing herself and Spike inside.  
  
Spike moaned and Buffy motioned for him to be quiet. The furnace was loud but Buffy knew from experience that demons had good ears. She only hoped they hadn't heard the door slam behind her. The room was completely dark except for a thin sliver of light under the door which came from the hallway. Buffy sighed with relief as she saw the shadows rush past the light and then disappear. The demons had gone right by.  
  
Buffy slightly relaxed and realized she was still hold Spike's hand. As a reflex she began to pull away, but then decided against it. Spike's hand was shaking and she could sense great fear in the vampire. He was gripping her hand for dear life--or rather unlife. Buffy waited for her eyes to adjust in the dark then barely made out his silhouette. She couldn't see him well but she knew he could see her.   
  
Spike, are you okay?  
  
Spike's voice was tight. We have to find it! They are coming! No time left, no time!  
  
Buffy could see Spike's silhouette moving nervously. He still hadn't let go of her hand, his grip still as desperate if not more. Buffy started to worry about him.  
  
Spike, what do you mean? What do we have to find? Buffy's eyes were adjusting more every minute and now she could almost see his face.  
  
Surprise sounded in Spike's voice. You know where it is! Spike had stopped moving and the shaking had almost stopped in his body. Suddenly his voice became frantic. You have to tell me or else they will hurt me! Please don't let them hurt me! I promise I'll be good! Spike fell to his knees letting go of Buffy's hand. I promise I'll be good, he whispered.  
  
Buffy could now make out the vampire clearly. He was holding his head in his hands and rocking back and forth. Suddenly her heart broke as pictures of Spike battered and bruised after Glory had taken him flooded her head. She thought of all the times he had saved her in a fight and ended up looking worse than she had felt after each fight. She looked at what the brave vampire had become because of her.  
  
Buffy knelt in front of Spike and gently placed her hands over his, pulling them away from his head. Spike fell into Buffy's arms and hid his face in her breasts. Buffy heard him weeping quietly and she held him close to her.  
  
Buffy suddenly remembered the dream and pictured Spike jumping off the tower. She shivered and swore to herself that she wouldn't let anything more happen to him. He had been through too much already.


	5. Told

Buffy woke to her name being called. It was faint but she could hear it. She was still in the dark furnace room with Spike. Buffy had not wanted to leave him alone, afraid the demons would come back when she wasn't there to protect him, and Spike had refused to go with her to her house. So Buffy stayed with Spike and held him close until he had fallen asleep.  
  
Buffy glanced down at the sleeping vampire who lied curled up with his head in her lap. Buffy stroked his hair softly playing with the tiny blonde curls. Buffy heard her name again, this time it was coming from just outside the door.  
  
Buffy? Are you here? Willow's voice was music to Buffy's ears.  
  
Buffy didn't want to wake Spike but she had to call out and let Willow know where she was. She had to tell her about the demons too.  
  
Will? I'm in here. Buffy sat up carefully so as not to move or disturb Spike.  
  
The door opened slowly and Willow and Xander walked in. Their eyes went wide when they saw the slayer and the vampire.  
  
Buffy, what happened? Are you okay? Willow walked toward the pair and knelt down beside them. I went to wake you up but you weren't inyour room!  
  
Some demons showed up. We had to hide in here for a while. Buffy smiled reassuringly and Willow.  
  
Are you okay? Is Spike okay?  
  
Yeah we're fine. Spike's sleeping and I don't want to wake him. He had a pretty tough night.  
  
Buffy explained everything to her friends and how Spike had reacted to the demons. She told them about everything except the dream, she didn't know what to make of it just yet.  
  
Will, I'm gonna stay here with Spike until he wakes up. Then I'll try to get him to come to the house. I don't want him here alone in case those demons show again. I don't know what they want but I think they're after Spike. Buffy's face was soft yet full of worry. What time is it, Xander? If Spike wakes up soon, I have to know how close we are to sunset. I don't want to tell him our plan too soon in case he goes ballistic.  
  
Xander looked at Buffy in slight confusion. It's almost sunset, Buff. That's why Willow and I were looking for you. When we woke up with no Buffster in the house, and you didn't show all day, we figured something happened and we came looking for you. Naturally, we thought Spike might have seen you and knew where you were. Hence, we are here having this delightful conversation.  
  
Almost sunset? Buffy asked astonished. Wow! I've been down here that long? Well I guess Spike should wake up soon then. I guess this calls for strategy now. Okay, Will--.  
  
Willow cut her friend off with a smile. Xander and I will go back to the house and I'll give Dawnie some supper. Then I'll do some research and see if I can find out what a mob of demons want with a vampire. Xander will watch Dawn and keep her company, you know so she won't worry. She tends to do that when you disappear and stuff. Willow smiled with pride. She had made a plan all by herself. It felt good to be useful.  
  
Buffy couldn't help but smile. Thanks, Will. That's sounds like a good plan. I don't know what I would do without--a soul!  
  
Willow and Xander both looked at the slayer with surprise.  
  
A soul! Spike's has a soul now! Maybe that has something to do with what those demons want. Buffy cleared up her sudden outburst and smiled in apology.  
  
Willow nodded.   
  
Later,Buff. Be safe. Xander smiled at Buffy, who thought she saw worry and fear in his eyes, and followed Willow out shutting the door behind him.  
  
Buffy watched Xander and Willow leave then settled to watch after Spike. She started playing with his curls again and smiled at the soft purring sounds he made. Buffy ran her fingers across Spike's face--his eyes, his cheeks, his lips--then suddenly pulled back and stared. He was burning up! Buffy put her hand gently on Spike's forehead. He was so hot that her fingers felt as if she had stuck them in a sink of very hot water. Buffy was scared. Spike was a vampire, and vampires didn't have warm skin. Their skin was always cold as, well--_death_. Buffy shuddered at her own thought.   
  
Buffy lightly shook the vampire who didn't wake up. Spike, wake up. Worry evident in her voice Buffy shook Spike harder. Spike, please. This is not funny. When Spike still didn't respond, Buffy panicked. What should she do? _I-I can check for a pulse--what am I thinking? He doesn't have one because he's a vampire!_ Buffy shook her head and told herself to relax and to stop panicking. There had to be something logical for her to do.  
  
Buffy desperately tried to figure out what to do. Finally she decided that all she could do was take Spike home. Maybe Willow had found something in her research and then Buffy would know what was wrong with Spike. Buffy carefully stood up holding Spike's now limp body. _Well at least I don't have to fight to get him to come with me,_ she thought.  
  
***  
  
Xander opened the door and stepped aside to let Buffy in. Buffy! What happened? Are you okay? Xander followed a Spike laden Buffy into the living room where she gently placed Spike on the couch. Without taking her eyes off the vampire, Buffy quickly removed her jacket and dropped it on the coffee table.  
  
Where's Willow? Buffy voice was shaky and Xander began to worry.  
  
She's in the kitchen with Dawn--Buffy, what happened? What's going on?  
  
I don't know--I need Willow! Buffy was carefully removing Spike's boots and placing them on the floor.  
  
I'm here. Willow stepped into the living room. What's going on?  
  
Will, something's wrong with Spike. I can't wake him and he's burning up.  
  
Burning? He looks fire free to me. Willow made a small joking smile which faded when she saw the serious look on Buffy's face.  
  
No I mean his skin--feel it!  
  
Willow wrinkled her forehead and stepped over to the place her hand on Spike's forehead. Oh my goddess, he's burning up!  
  
Dawnie had come in behind Willow and stood silently behind Xander. Her eyes were wide and she was watching Buffy and Willow with growing concern. So he's got a fever. W-What does that mean? Maybe he's just sick with like a cold or something. That basement is cold and damp--he just has a cold! He'll be fine right?  
  
Buffy turned to her sister and frowned. I don't know, Dawnie. He doesn't just have a fever--vampires don't have fevers.  
  
And if he were human, that fever would have killed him a long time ago! Willow was staring at the vampire with awe and confusion.  
  
Yeah, but he's not human so he will be okay, right? Dawn was looking from Buffy to Willow for a reassuring answer. The look on their faces scared her.  
  
Dawnie, Spike has a fever--vampires don't have fevers! They are dead! Their skin is always cold! Buffy cringed at her own words and the look on her sister's face was a rebuke in itself. I'm sorry, Dawnie. I didn't mean that the way it sounded.  
  
I know what you meant. Dawn tried to smile for her sister but could only manage half. I'll go to my room an do my homework. That way I will have the rest of my holiday free and I won't be in your way so you can make Spike better.  
  
That sounds like a good idea Buffy smiled and hugged her sister. You're the best sister ever.  
  
You will tell me if anything changes? Dawn asked.  
  
Of course. Buffy crossed her arms and smiled again.  
  
Dawn disappeared up the stairs and Buffy turned back to where Willow was kneeling beside Spike. Xander hadn't moved at all. Willow stood up slowly and sighed.  
  
I don't sense any magic in him so it can't be a spell. Willow moved out of the way as Buffy walked over to Spike and knelt beside him. Buffy started stroking the vampire's face as Willow continued. I did some research on the net about those demons that were after Spike. I didn't find much, but I did find something on a ritual requiring a Vampire with a soul. That's where it gets kind of weird. The ritual doesn't require your everyday vampire with a soul. Not like any vampire with a soul is   
  
Willow paused and looked from Spike to Buffy who was now staring at her intently. For the first time since Willow had entered the room, Xander spoke. In order for the ritual to work, the vampire has to have done two things before it gets its soul back. It had to fight on the side of good because he wanted to, not for anything in return, and he had to make a sacrifice in the name of true love. Again with the no rewards or goodies in return.  
  
Willow stared at her friend with surprise.  
  
Xander spoke nervously. What? What did I do? Did I explain it wrong? Did I leave something ou--?  
  
You said he, Buffy cut in quietly.  
  
Xander was confused.  
  
You said he, Willow said as a matter of factly. You started saying it' but ended saying   
  
Xander asked even more confused.  
  
So you think Spike is not evil anymore. You think Spike did those things--you believe it. Buffy glanced at Xander waiting for a reaction.  
  
I do not think that! I just happened to say he' okay? He--it---all the same to me! The point is, there is a bunch of the big bad nasty out to kill Spike because of some power that drives him insane! Xander suddenly realized what he said and frowned. He and Willow had agreed to let it out easy. Somehow he didn't think that was easy enough.  
  
Buffy's eyes widened as she stopped caressing Spike's face and stood up. What? What power--what are you talking about? And what ritual? Will, I need to know everything. I need to know what I am up against here.  
  
Willow spoke softly but clearly not quite sure what Buffy's reaction would be. It's a power letting ritual. It's sort of like Glory's blood letting ritual except it's more---violent. Willow waited for a reaction from Buffy. When she didn't get one, Willow continued. "The books basically said that every thousand years a vampire is sired who will fight on the side of good against the powers of evil in a battle to save the world. The vampire will also make a sacrifice in the name of true love--in this case, passing the tests of a powerful demon in return for the vampire's soul. After the sacrifice, the power of true love will take over. With the power of love being stronger than the power of evil, the vampire will become stronger.  
  
And that's what these demons want? The power of love? Why don't they just go get a girlfriend? Buffy was confused. Running away from demons wanting love? This was weird.  
  
Willow shook her head. No, there's more but the rest is sort of fuzzy. If the vampire gets its soul back after they have fulfilled their destiny, saving the world and making a sacrifice for true love, the soul will cause a kind of magical power surge within the vampire. There was something about the extreme force of the power. If the vampire can't control it, the power will drive the vampire insane. Willow stopped and looked at the disheveled vampire lying on the couch. He looked so vulnerable. Buffy, the books said that if the vampire fights to control it, it will eventually kill him. If he succeeds in taming the power, Willow looked at her friend, it will make him human again.  



	6. Shock

I-I have to sit down. Buffy was hardly aware of anyone in the room except herself. She had even forgotten about the disheveled and unconscious vampire on her couch.  
  
Xander glanced at Willow with concern then at Buffy. Uh, Buff? You are sitting down.  
  
Buffy suddenly realized her friends again and glanced down. She was seated on the coffee table facing Spike and Willow was sitting beside her. Uh, right. So what is this ritual for? Who do I have to fight to prevent it from happening? Buffy was suddenly in slayer mode.  
  
Willow nervously played with her hands which were in her lap. It's a power letting ritual. Like Glory's blood letting ritual, the demons are to drain all of Spike's blood. That's where the power lies. Every drop must be shed or it won't work. However, his blood doesn't open a portal like Daw--like the key. Willow caught her self and hoped Buffy didn't notice. As his blood drains the power flows into the demons making them invincible.  
  
So how long do we have to come up with a plan? asked Buffy.  
  
Two, maybe three days? I'm not quite sure, but I do know they can't do anything if we have Spike. That'll buy us sometime.  
  
Good. We'll get a good night's sleep tonight and start planning first thing in the morning. Xander, I'm assuming you are staying here tonight. I want you and Will to keep an ear on Dawnie. I'm going to stay down here tonight and keep an eye on Spike. He might wake up and not know where he is which will probably scare him.  
  
Buffy, you need to sleep too. Xander and I can take turns watching Spike.  
  
It's okay, Will. I'm not much for sleep tonight. I won't get anymore sleep in my own bed than I will down here in the arm chair. Buffy smiled at Willow. But thanks anyway.  
  
Sure. I'll go grab you some blankets. Willow ran up the stairs leaving Xander and Buffy alone with Spike.  
  
Xander looked at Buffy who was holding her head in her hands and staring blankly at Spike. She looked so tired and so sad. Xander concentrated on Buffy so hard that she startled him when she spoke.  
  
I would put him in my bed, it's more comfortable. But I don't know if I should move him. This is all my fault. Buffy's voice shook and Xander was surprised to see tears running down her face.  
  
Buffy, hon! Xander sat down next to her and started gently rubbing her back. It's not your fault. How could you have known who he was? He couldn't have even known! Besides, if it hadn't been you, it would have been someone else. He would have eventually ended up this way no matter what.  
  
If it wasn't my fault then why do I feel like this? Buffy burst into sobs and fell into Xander's arms, burying her face in his chest. The warmth of his body felt good on her wet face, but it suddenly reminded her of Spike and she started to cry harder.  
  
Xander lovingly wrapped his arms around his friend and gently rocked back and forth. As soon as Buffy had said those words he had known why and his heart skipped a beat. It's called love.  
  
***  
  
Willow had grabbed some blankets from the upstairs hall closet and started back for Buffy when she ran into Dawn.  
  
Dawnie! Hi! How's the homework coming? Need any help?  
  
No thanks. I'm all finished. Dawn beamed.  
  
Willow frowned slightly,   
  
Sorry. I know how much you like homework. I'd give it to you to do everyday, but then there's the whole Buffy factor.  
  
It's okay, Dawnie. It's just with the whole Christmas break no homework' thing, I think I'm having homework withdrawals.  
  
Dawn laughed at Willow's seriousness but stopped and cleared her throat when she saw Willow's confused look. So are you sleeping on the couch tonight? Dawn pointed to all the blankets Willow was carrying.  
  
Oh, no. These are for Buffy and Spike. Seeing Dawn's eyes go wide Willow quickly added, Spike's on the couch, Buffy's in the armchair. She doesn't want to leave him alone in case he wakes up and freaks out or something.  
  
Dawn suddenly remembered why she had cornered Willow to begin with. How is Spike? Is he okay--did you find out what's wrong with him? Nobody came to tell me what's going on and it's been so quiet. Dawn saw Willow's eyes glaze over and she got suspicious. What? What did you find out? What's wrong, Willow I have to know! Dawn raised her voice slightly to show she meant business. She was tired of being too young to know'. Considering all she had seen and been through lately, she figured she was ready enough.  
  
Willow was taken back by Dawn's raised voice but she understood. Willow sighed. Dawnie, let's go into your room and talk.  
  
***  
  
Buffy's sobs slowly subsided and she sat silently in Xander's arms for a short while. It felt good to have someone holding her again. Lately, it seemed, she was holding' everyone else. Everyone depended on her to do the right thing. They depended on her to keep them going. The trouble was, she couldn't keep herself going.  
  
Xander whispered. Will's here and she comes bearing blankets. Xander looked up at Willow who was now standing beside Buffy. Dawn was right behind.  
  
Buffy shook herself back into consciousness and smiled halfheartedly. She wondered if her eyes were red and puffy, telling on her for crying. Thanks, Will.  
  
No problem. Willow smiled her ever bright smile as if she knew Buffy's pain and was trying to make it better.  
  
Buffy spotted Dawn staring at Spike. Dawnie, he'll be fine. I promise.  
  
How can you be sure? Dawnie's voiced cracked. Willow told me everything.  
  
Buffy started but was cut off by her sister.  
  
Even if you kill the demons, Buffy, he's dying anyway! Can you save him from his insanity? Dawn had raised her voice but she took a deep breath to continue softly. He's going to die no matter what you do.  
  
Dawnie, I will find a way--  
  
You always say that!  
  
And I always do! Buffy winced as she realized she was yelling. She hated yelling, especially at her sister. Dawnie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to--look, Spike is not going to die. I will not let that happen. We will find a way to get him back.  
  
Dawn sighed and looked back at the vampire who had literally fought to become close to her and her big sis'. Spike was now more a part of them than perhaps any of them had ever realized. The demon was no longer simply a tool with which to fight evil, he was someone Dawn and her sister loved very much. Dawn knew that, even if her sister didn't admit it, Buffy loved Spike too.  
  
Dawn felt guilty for saying the things she had. Buffy had never failed her and Buffy did have something to lose, perhaps more than anyone else. I'm sorry, Buffy. I know you'll do your best to help him. I'm just so worried about him. I need him, Buffy.  
  
I know you do, Dawnie. I need him too. Buffy stood up and hugged her sister. But right now the best we can do is get some sleep. We won't be able to help Spike if we are too tired to try. Will and Xander will be upstairs with you tonight and I'll be down here looking after Spike. Buffy turned to show that the next few words were for everybody's ears. If you need me for any reason, don't hesitate to scream.  
  
Back into big sister/slayer mode, Buffy sent everyone upstairs to bed as she gently covered Spike with a blanket. Then, settling herself down in the arm chair with a blanket, she sighed. It was going to be a long night.  
  
***  
_Buffy frowned when she saw the large tower. Her heart sunk when she saw Dawn tied to the top. Without thinking Buffy broke into a run towards the tower. She had to get to Dawn before Glory did. There wasn't any time left.  
  
Buffy ran with all her might and as fast as her legs would go. She pumped her arms ferociously and put everything she had into running. After running for what seemed like hours, Buffy looked up and almost stopped dead in her tracks. Her heart stuck in her throat. The tower was moving away from her as she ran. No matter how hard she ran, the tower was not getting closer.   
  
Screamed Buffy. This time she did stop. A flash of white appeared beneath the tower and was growing larger by the minute. It had already begun. The portal was beginning to open and Buffy couldn't get there in time to close it. She was too late.   
  
Suddenly the earth shook and Buffy saw the tower coming towards her at high speed. It was as if somebody had a video camera and was zooming in to the tower. Buffy closed her eyes and threw her arms in front of her head in order to brace herself for a collision between her and the tower. It never came, however, and as Buffy opened her eyes she gasped. She was standing at the base of the tower and directly over head was Dawn and someone else who Buffy couldn't make out.  
  
Buffy dried out to her sister and started to run towards the stairs. Something caught her arms and jerked her back keeping her from her destination. A silent cry left Buffy's lips as she saw what held her back. On each wrist was a shackle attached to a thick, rusting chain. Buffy pulled as hard as she could to free herself, but it was no use. The chains were too strong.   
  
A scream forced Buffy's eyes to the top of the tower where Dawn was. The someone else' Buffy had seen was now at the edge of the tower. His curly bleached hair waved in the wind and blood dripped down the side of his face. His black shirt and jeans were ripped almost to shreds of nothingness showing deep wounds in his chest and thighs.  
  
Buffy tried again to pull free from her bonds but was held tight. Buffy suddenly realized what the vampire was doing. Spike? Spike, no don't! It was said too late. Buffy watched in horror as Spike jumped. Tears stained Buffy's face as she watched the white flash grow brighter and brighter until it stopped altogether dropping Spike's limp body to the ground.  
  
Buffy wanted desperately to run to him and hold him but the chains continued to hold her back. Tears stained her face and she cried in choked sobs. All she could do was watch helplessly as Spike's body laid on the cold, hard pavement. Blood still trickled from his forehead where Buffy could now see a deep gash. It was hard to believe a dead body could bleed. Especially one so cold and already dead.  
  
Buffy shook the thoughts out of her head as she saw Dawn run past her and land beside Spike. Dawn picked up his limp body and held it the way a young girl would a rag doll. Spike's body was just that--a rag doll.  
  
Dawnie? Are you okay? Buffy's sobs had stopped but her voice was still shaky as she tried to get her sister's attention.  
  
Tears flowed down Dawn's face as she hugged the vampire close. She didn't even glance at Buffy.  
  
Dawn, can you hear me?  
  
Dawn broke into sobs and cried her sister's name.   
  
Dawn! You can hear me! Can you see--? Buffy stopped as disappointment flooded her. Dawn was still talking, and not to Buffy--exactly.  
  
I miss you, Buffy! Please come back--I need you! Dawn's sobs grew more desperate. I-I will do anything! Please come back! You have to help Spike--Buffy, please don't stay dead!  
  
Buffy started thinking out loud. Wait a minute! Spike's a vampire--how can that have killed him? He would of just passed through the portal into the hell dimension. H-he can't die--not like that! ? Buffy paused a second in her confused thoughts. I'm dead?  
  
As if she had heard Buffy's words, Dawn blurted, He's human now, Buffy! Spike is human! You two can be together now! Please, Buffy! He's my brother! I can't lose you both!  
  
Buffy stared at Dawn in unbelief. Her mouth went dry and she found herself suddenly thirsty. Human? B-Brother?  
_  
***  
  
Buffy woke with a start. Sweat beaded on her forehead and she threw off her blanket. Scrambling out of the arm chair, Buffy scolded herself for falling asleep. It served her right having a nightmare like that. At least it was just a nightmare and Spike was really sleeping safely on her couch. Buffy looked at the couch and froze. Spike was gone!  



	7. Research

I don't know how I lost him. How could I have not heard him leave? Buffy sat on a stool in the kitchen and stared at nothing in particular. "And why would he leave without his boots?  
  
Maybe he went back to the school basement, barefoot. He's gone barefoot before, remember? Willow poured some coffee into a mug and set it down in front of Buffy who just stared at it.  
  
Buffy shook her head. He's not at the school. I checked.  
  
Ooh! Maybe he went back to his crypt! Maybe he woke up and thought, Gee. I feel better now. I think I'll go back to my place.' Or maybe he just went to visit a friend. Willow tried.  
  
Buffy sighed impatiently. Spike doesn't have any friends.  
  
What about Clem?  
  
Buffy sighed. I checked everywhere, Will! Nobody's even seen him since he got back from----from wherever he went! Spike is nowhere! It's as if he just va--! Buffy suddenly looked as if she was going to throw up. Willow stared shockingly at Buffy and nodded as she understood. Now they were getting somewhere.  
  
Xander and Dawn waltzed into the kitchen, literally, and giggled. Mid-giggle they realized Buffy and Willow staring at each other in intense silence.   
  
Whoa! Did we miss something? Please tell me you're not fighting cuz I don't think I want to witness another apocalypse any time around the now.  
  
Buffy looked at Xander who was eyeing Willow nervously. Oh--no. Will and I just figured out what could have happened to Spike.  
  
Dawn stopped dancing with Xander and faced Buffy, What do you mean? What happened to Spike? Where is he?  
  
Willow and Buffy answered in unison, He vanished.  
  
What? He took off? After all Buffy's done for him. That son of a bi---!  
  
No, Xander. Buffy cut him off. It's nothing like that. Buffy looked at Willow who continued.   
  
He vanished...completely. The demons we're looking for must know how to teleport.  
  
And Buffy didn't hear a bunch of demons enter her house and vampire-nap Spike----who, by the way, gets major cranky when someone tries to snatch him! How could she not have heard a big scuffle? Xander waved his finger in the air at Buffy who moaned and sat down again to stare into her coffee.  
  
She wouldn't hear demons teleporting and Spike was probably still unconscious. Willow spoke more for Buffy's benefit than Xander, but she shrugged at him. It's not her fault.  
  
Abruptly Buffy stood up. We need a plan. We have to find Spike before they start the ritual. I am not going to stand by and let these demons---If they want him for some stupid ritual, then they'll get him over my dead body! Everyone stood in nervous silence around Buffy. She continued without hesitation. Will, we need to find out who these teleporting demons are and where they are planning to do the ritual. I also need to know how to stop it in case we're too late. Buffy glanced sideways at Dawn for a split second before continuing. Xander and I are going to go ask around and see if anyone knows about a power letting ritual taking place sometime soon. Something like this probably wouldn't be kept quiet for long. Someone has to brag. Buffy walked into the living room with purpose and grabbed her jacket while opening the front door.  
  
What about me? Dawn asked meekly.  
  
Buffy turned and gave Willow a sympathetic look. You can help Willow with the research. Without another word she stepped outside. It was morning, but it was still too early for the sun to be up. Buffy hoped there would still be some demons or vampires around to question.  
  
Xander grabbed his coat and walked briskly after Buffy. He knew what was coming and he wasn't looking forward to it. However, Buffy was his friend and he was there to help. Right now she needed him probably more than she ever had or ever would. He couldn't let her down...not this time.  
  
***  
  
Spike awoke to a steady pounding inside his head. He tried to open his eyes but it only make his head pound harder. The vampire groaned and quickly shut his eyes. His head hurt, his body ached, and his muscles were beyond sore. Spike didn't know where he was or what was happening. The last thing he remembered was Buffy holding his hand in the furnace room. A coarse voice stung Spike's brain and penetrated his thoughts.  
  
I see you have finally decided to join us. Would you mind opening your eyes? I want to make sure you are still awake when I am speaking to you. I do not want you to miss anything important I say and I do not enjoy wasting my precious time repeating myself.  
  
Spike slowly opened his eyes halfway in an effort to see who was speaking to him. At first things were fuzzy but they cleared soon enough to allow Spike to see a blue, wrinkly demon in front on him. The demon wore a tiny pair of glasses and was dressed like a prep student at a private school. Oh bloody hell, Spike murmured.  
  
With a quick reflex, the blue demon hit spike hard in the stomach with his fist, knocking the air out of the vampire. It took Spike a few minutes to recover from the fierce blow and he was glad vampires didn't need air. The demon didn't look very strong but Spike's stomach told him otherwise.  
  
Spike moaned in gasps. His own reflexes in action, Spike tried to lunge at the blue demon. Pain ripped through his arms and wrists stopping him. Spike slowly opened his eyes all the way and this time he took in everything.   
  
He was in a cave of some sort. There were no candles lit or any other sources of light that Spike could see, yet a reddish glow lit the cave dimly. There was a small selection of sharp, pointy objects lying neatly on a rock just out of Spike's reach. What caught his eye was a large knife with a smooth steel blade and a jade handle.   
  
  
The pain in his wrists came from shackles attached to the cave walls by large rusty chains. The chains were attached to large metal rings pinned into the rock. Spike knew he could have torn the chains out of the wall easily, on any of his good days. Today wasn't a good day.  
  
I assume you would like to know what is going on, yes? The blue demon was watching Spike's expressions while the vampire noticed his surroundings for the first time. It's quite simply really. You have power. We want it. We are going to kill you to get it. Now if you excuse me, I must get ready for the ceremony. The blue demon turned to leave but stopped and added a few words. By the way, you have a few hours to live. I suggest you enjoy them.  
  
Go to hell, you bluish twit. I don't have any power. Spike's words were slurred as it pained him to speak, but he kept his eyes on his captor.  
  
The demon smiled and turned to face Spike again. Where are my manners? My name is Row'thsa. The demon bowed lowly to the ground then without warning stood up and punched the vampire once in the face and again in the stomach.  
  
Spike grunted and slumped in his chains. Blood dribbled from his split lip.  
  
Oh, we can't have that now, can we? Row'thsa took a kerchief out of his pocket and dapped the vampire's lip. We musn't waste your precious blood. Every drop is needed. The demon placed the bloody kerchief back into his pocket and, smiling viciously, left Spike alone to his pain.  
  



	8. Truth

Xander had to jog in order to keep up with Buffy. From demon hangout to cemetery to crypt she hurried with Xander in tow. Back and forth they went until the sun sank low in the sky and the first stars of the night came into view.  
  
Buffy, we aren't getting anywhere, I say we go back to the house and see if Willow and Dawn have found anything. At worst they'll at least have the demons' name. That's a lot more than we have right now which is a great big bowl of juicy nothingness. Xander sighed and sat down on a tombstone to catch his breath.  
  
Buffy whipped around, stake in hand, and glared at him. Xander, I'm not giving up! Spike's out there and I'm going to find him--with or without your help!  
  
I know, Buff, but we've been beatin' up demons all day and haven't heard anything that will help us. Buffy, we're running out of time! Please, let's just go back to the house and check in with Willow. If she has nothing, I will go with you to beat up more demons, I promise!  
  
Why are you suddenly so worried about Spike? You hate him! Buffy's voice went cold. I know what I am doing, Xander. I'm the slayer, remember? Buffy's cheeks were red with anger and her eyes were cold as ice.  
  
Xander shifted nervously and stared at the ground. After moving some dirt and dead flowers around with his foot, he finally spoke softly.  
  
I'm not worried about him....I hate him. I'm worried about you, Buffy. Xander took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Buffy, I love you. Xander looked at Buffy. He wanted some reaction but got none so he continued. Tears started to well up in his eyes and his voice quivered. I have loved you since----since forever! I love Anya so much, but I just......I just can't stop loving you, Buffy. I have tried----god knows I have tried to stop! But everyday it's there, in my heart, eating away at me. I don't know how I could fall deeply in love with two amazing women, but somehow I did and I can't take it anymore. The question I have to ask myself is, who loves me? I know Anya's a bit much sometimes, but she loves me---she really does. But you? I know you don't. Buffy Summers does not love Xander Harris--I guess it just isn't meant to be. Xander stopped for a second and tried to control the oncoming rush of emotion. Buffy Summers loves Spike.  
  
Silence stood between the two friends for a few second while Xander's words registered with Buffy. His last words struck her like a knife.  
  
Now wait just a minute--  
  
Buffy, you can't fool your best friend! Xander help up his hand to stop Buffy from denying it. You are in love with that---that inhuman, impertinent, disgusting--demon! But that's okay. I don't care what he is anymore, Buff. I just want you to be happy.  
  
But how do you know--  
  
  
Think about it, Buffy! Xander's voice raised slightly and cracked. You never loved Riley--Angel maybe--but never Riley. Y-You just used him to be somewhat normal. When that didn't work you started ignoring him and made every excuse possible to hang out with Spike. You took all your anger out on him and-- Xander stopped. He didn't want to say it but he knew he had to. And you only seem to do that to someone you care about. Buffy opened her mouth to object but Xander cut her off before she could say anything. I know you, Buff.   
  
Buffy stared at the ground uneasily. She knew he was right. She only seemed to take her anger out on those who she cared for because in some strange way, she knew they wouldn't fight back.  
  
When your mom died, when Dawn was in trouble, when you died and were brought back---who did you go to for help? Who did you tell your secrets to? Who did you depend on the most? Not us--not your friends, Buffy. You turned to Spike.  
  
A tear fell from Buffy's eye and landed on her hand. She stared at it with surprise. I didn't mean to. He was just there.  
  
Xander sighed softly. It's okay to love him, Buff. He may be an evil demon, but he has done everything he can to protect you and take care of you--to love you. Xander's voice quivered and he tried desperately to keep from crying. That is more than I have ever done or could ever do. As much as I hate to say it, Xander swallowed the oncoming tears and forced the words out, Spike is a better man than I am. You deserve to be happy, Buff. He makes you very happy. I know you can't deny that.  
  
Buffy looked around frantically as thoughts rushed through her head. But he's a vampire, Xander. Buffy whispered, tears fell freely from her eyes.  
  
Xander finally lost the battle with his tears and they streamed down his face leaving wet streaks. He doesn't have to be! He can be human again, Buffy---human! I don't care what Will says, Spike is strong! He will tame the power inside him--he can do it! But only with your help.  
  
A tense silence held the two friends tight as emotion overwhelmed them both. Buffy looked stunned as if she were in a trance and didn't know where she was or what she was doing there. Silent tears dripped from her chin but she hardly seemed to notice.  
  
Xander spoke again, so softly that Buffy strained her ears to hear him Buffy, Spike needs you...and you need Spike.  
  
Buffy stood silent staring at the ground between herself and her friend. She felt emotionally exhausted inside. Suddenly she felt as if she had been searching for something for a long time and now found it had been right in front of her all along.  
  
Buffy wiped away the tears with the back of her hand before turning around. Slowly she began to walk towards the cemetery gates. Quietly Xander followed.  
  
***  
  
We have to find it, slayer. No time. They are going to kill me if we don't. You know where it is--please show me! Show meeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Spike screamed half in pain half in desperation. He didn't know why, but for the first time in as long as he could remember he was terrified. He had been scared when Glory had Dawn and killed Buffy, he had been very scared. But for some reason this was different.  
  
Spike's face was twisted in pain as he shivered continuously. For the first time he realized he had no shirt on and his pants were torn. Ignoring the pain and cold, Spike tried to think about Buffy.  
  
Instantaneously, his face softened and the twist of pain disappeared. His eyes were full of deep sadness.  
  
I love you, Buffy. How come you won't love me? Is it because I've been a bad man? I try not to be bad but it's hard you know. They hurt me--I-I had to hurt them back.  
  
Suddenly the vampire screamed in pain. The screams echoed in his head only hurting him worse.  
  
Spike clenched his eyes shut and panted. Sweat poured down his forehead and face though he shivered uncontrollably.  
  
A single tear escaped his tightly shut eyes and trickled down his cheek. His voice was weak and full of pain and desperation.  
  
Love me, Buffy. Save me.  



	9. Genesis

Buffy and Xander walked together in silence, Xander a few steps behind Buffy. Buffy walked as if she were a robot and her feet moved by themselves, without thought. Her face wore a stunned expression.  
  
Xander frowned. He hoped he hadn't hurt Buffy too much. He didn't want to hurt her at all, but he had to tell her the truth one way or another. She had to know the truth and face it.  
  
Buffy walked up the small steps to the front door of her house and stopped. Still facing the door, she spoke. If you love me then you will let me deal with this on my own. Dawn and Willow don't need to know.  
  
Her mind spoken, Buffy opened the door and walked in leaving her friend outside staring behind her.  
  
Xander shivered, not from the winter air, but from the cold in Buffy's voice. It had been cold, hard, full of contempt. She had spoke so that only Xander had heard her words, and he barely had at that. But there was something else behind her voice, something that chilled Xander to the bone.  
  
She hates me. Xander whispered to himself before walking into the house behind Buffy.  
  
Willow, Dawn and Buffy were standing in the living room talking when Xander walked in. Buffy glanced at him, the previous emotion was wiped off her face and she was now in slayer mode. She acted as if nothing had happened.  
  
Xander, Anya's on her way to watch Dawn. You and Will are coming with me.  
  
Okay....where are we going?  
  
The Initiative caves. Buffy walked over to the weapons trunk and pulled out a large moon-bladed axe and a crossbow.  
  
The Initiative caves? How do you know that's where Spike is?  
  
Willow answered this time. In order for the demons to receive Spike's power they need to be away from anything living. Trees, grass, animals, any living thing will receive the power. That means the demons won't receive enough to be invincible.  
  
So why the caves?  
  
The caves are made of rock and dirt. Those things are not alive so they cannot absorb the power.  
  
But how do you know that's where they are? I mean how do you know they aren't in an abandoned warehouse somewhere? You know how many evily bad things Buffy finds in those buildings--maybe they're in one of them. Did you get Willow to do a locator spell?  
  
It's too risky. A human could pass by at any moment or a rat or a mouse. It's hard to find an abandoned building that is really abandoned.  
  
Okay then, the caves it is. Xander nervously wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and walked over to grab a weapon.  
  
The door opened and Anya walked in. Okay, I'm here. What big bad creature do you want me to help you slay this time? she sighed.  
  
I just need you to stay here with Dawn while Willow, Xander and I go get Spike. Buffy closed the trunk and moved for the door.  
  
What? Why can't I go too?  
  
Because I need you here, Anya.  
  
Buffy, I don't need a baby-sitter. Dawn spoke quietly but with defiance.  
  
I'm not doing this right now, Dawn. Anya is staying with you and that's final. Buffy turned to Anya to finish. You are completely human now. I can't risk getting you killed.  
  
Willow and Xander are human!  
  
Willow is a strong witch and we need her powers. Xander is the only one who seems to help Willow control her powers if she digs too deep, which she may have to do in order to live through this.  
  
Silence washed over the room. Nobody had forgotten how close Willow had come to bringing about her own Apocalypse. Xander had been the only one to get through to her and make her stop.  
  
Anya slowly slipped out of her jacket and placed it on the arm of the couch in silent surrender. What a way to spend Christmas Eve.  
  
Xander frowned. Merry Christmas to us.  
  
Buffy started towards the door again. Let's go.  
  
***  
  
Spike slowly opened his eyes moaning softly. He had drifted in and out of consciousness all day and his head pounded. His body ached as he tried to lift his head and Spike wondered what the demons did to him while he was out.  
  
Row'thsa and three blue demons dressed like him stood in front of the vampire. The demons wore green hooded cloaks that apparently had no fasteners so hung open over their preppy attire.  
  
Spike scoffed at the demons' bad color taste. A blue demon wearing a green cloak was unheard of in the demon fashion world. Do I get a pretty cloak to then? Spike grinned and tried not to show his pain.  
  
The Source is not required to wear a cloak. All that is required of The Source is death by bleeding. Now, if you be a good vampire and die quickly, you will have little pain. However, if you die slowly the pain will be unbearable. Row'thsa stopped and smiled. I recommend the first option.  
  
Spike whimpered. Terror flashed in the vampire's eyes and he tried to pull back away from the blue demons.  
  
Row'thsa pouted slightly. Come come now, William. There is nothing you can do about it, no point in denying it. The time has come for you to die.  



	10. Power

Buffy ran. She ran as fast as she could towards the Initiative caves. Willow and Xander could barely keep up with the slayer. She was on a mission for life and even her friends were no match for her determination.   
  
Willow had suggested a locator spell right after they left but Buffy had turned the idea down. She said she could find him on her own. She didn't know why, but she could sense him calling to her. She could hear his screams.  
  
***  
  
The blue demons sat in a semicircle in front of Spike. Lit candles sat in small wooden bowls on the ground in front of them. Each demon held a lit black candle. Chants echoed through the caves and the red glow that filled the cave before was now growing brighter.  
  
_Oh, great spirit of power,  
come to us, hear our plea.  
grant us our desire, live inside us  
our bodies we give to thee.  
_  
The ground started to shake as the demons chanted louder. The time was near and they must not fail!  
  
***  
  
Buffy ran. Everything else began to fade away until only the sound of her fast beating heart thumped in her ear. Flashes of Spike and her together blew through her mind like a whirlwind. Suddenly it seemed as if her and her friends were moving in slow motion. The caves now seemed so far away. Buffy ran faster.  
  
***  
  
Spike screamed in pain as the knife cut through his cold flesh like a hot knife through butter. The knife burned as it sliced through flesh and muscle and scraped against his ribs. From side to side the knife slowly slashed. Blood poured from his wound like a slow flowing waterfall and seeped down his naked abdomen.  
  
***  
  
Buffy ran into the caves. Spike's screams rang in the air and echoed inside her head. She couldn't be too late, not this time! She had found what Spike was looking for and she had to show him. He couldn't die! She had searched so long and so hard for it, she couldn't let him down again.  
  
***  
  
Tears flowed freely down Spike's face as his screams continued to echo through the air. Again and again the merciless knife sliced into his skin, his muscle. It burned like a fire within him. Blood covered his arms, chest and abdomen covering his cold flesh as Row'thsa forced the knife through over and over.  
  
The ground still shook and made ripples in the pool of blood now growing around the vampire's feet.  
  
Spike whimpered wearily. He felt faint as the unlife slowly drained from his veins. Save me.  
  
***  
  
Buffy ran as fast as she could back and forth, in and out. She could hear Spike's screams but they seemed to bounce off the stone walls and fill the air around her. She couldn't make out where the screams were coming from.  
  
Panic filled Buffy and she realized she couldn't find Spike like this. She had to stop and catch her bearings. Buffy stopped as the cave forked off into two directions. _Which one? Right or left?_ _I don't know which way!_  
  
Before panic overtook her completely, Buffy closed her eyes and forced herself to concentrate on the sound of her fast beating heart and quick breaths. _Spike, talk to me. Tell me where you are--please!_  
  
***  
  
Spike forced his eyes open halfway. _Buffy?_ Pain burned through his body in scorching waves and he felt too weak to even breathe. _Buffy? Buffy, save me!_ He could hear her voice--he knew he could! Or was he just hallucinating? His head hurt. _Buffy, help me!_  
  
***  
  
Buffy threw down her weapons and ran. The whispers in her head grew stronger but the screams had stopped. _Please be alive!_ The ground shook fiercely and rocks had begun to fall around Buffy's head. Turning a corner she gasped and abruptly stopped. Ahead of her, a massive pile of boulders and rubble blocked the path deeper into the cave. Moonlight shone through a large hole in the ceiling of the cave above the pile. _No! Spike!_  
  
***  
  
Spike hung limp in his chains. Unbearable pain flooded his nearly blood exhausted body. The vampire tried to whisper Buffy's name once more but didn't have enough energy to force the word through his lips.  
  
Suddenly an icy cool rush flowed within Spike. He tried a scream but none came. The relentless knife ceased from cutting through him again and Spike heard Row'thsa hiss, Yes! Power come to us!  
  
Spike let out a whimper as the icy feelings welled up inside him and started beating at his flesh trying to find a way out of his body. Spike was filled with sharp pains like hot pokers being driven through him from the inside out. Again he tried to scream.  
  
Buffy gasped as she saw the sight before her. She ignored the pain in her hands from cuts and gashes. She had removed every boulder and pebble that stood in her way, by hand.  
  
Hearing the slayer's voice, Spike tried to open his eyes. His strength was completely gone, he didn't even have enough to lift his eyelids. He felt himself slowly fading away.  
  
You're too late, slayer! Row'thsa grinned. We have begun to receive the power! The Source has been sacrificed!  
  
Buffy shouted in denial. No, he can't be dead--I love him! Buffy began to sob.  
  
Spike gathered up the last tiny bit of hope he had inside him and whispered her name with his last painful sigh.   
  
Buffy ignored the blue demons and Row'thsa as she ran to the vampire. Tears melded as her lips met his in drastic desperation. With the hot passion of every last kiss on earth, the slayer kissed the vampire deeply.  
  
Thunder rolled louder and lightning flashed brighter inside the cave. Row'thsa screamed and was followed by the others' screams.  
  
Buffy held Spike's bloody face in her hands as she kissed him with all the love inside her.  
  
The blue demons' eyes glowed a bright green as their screams swirled around the cave.  
  
She kissed him for her mother.  
  
Lightning struck the blue demons.  
  
She kissed him for Dawn.  
  
Light encircled the demons and deafening thunder shrouded their screams.  
  
She kissed him for her.  
  
Blue flashes of light erupted around the demons.  
  
She loved him!  
  
With a finale of screams, blue flashes, and thunder, the demons exploded. Their blue parts disintegrated into blue dust. A thick beam of blue, green, and white light hovered where they had stood, like a giant snake moving above the ground.  
  
The caves shook fiercely and the ground shifted and cracked below the slayer's feet, pulling her from Spike and knocking her to the ground. Spike glowed green and Buffy stared at him unable to move.  
  
Without warning, the thick bolt of multicolored light struck out towards Spike who hung limp once more. Buffy sprang to her feet and flung herself between the light and the vampire. Stay away from him! she cried.  
  
The light lunged and Buffy stood rooted as the bolt of light struck her in the chest. An icy rush went through Buffy and her breath left her as the light passed through her chest and entered the fallen vampire behind her.  
  
Spike's eyes opened with a jolt. His eyes became glowing emeralds of green as his head flung back. His screams filled the cave once more. The multicolored light inside him made his skin glow brightly. Lightning struck him and thunder rolled in the cave until Buffy's head pounded. The ground shook violently and rocks came down around Buffy who quickly moved towards Spike.  
  
Suddenly everything stopped.


	11. Death

Silence overcame the pandemonium leaving the slayer alone with the vampire. The soft glow that lit the caves was gone. Moonlight fell through an opening in the ceiling above Spike and made his pale skin look bluish. He looked like death.  
  
Buffy reached out to catch the vampire's torn, bloody body as his bonds sprung open releasing their prisoner. Choked sobs came from Buffy as she carefully picked up the dead vampire. Ignoring the mess around her, the slayer slowly made her way through the dark caverns and out into the night.  
  
The night air cooled her hot, wet cheeks. Moments of her and Spike flashed through her head in a torrent of muted pictures. Spike and Buffy patrolling. Spike and Buffy fighting. Spike's face when he had seen Buffy for the first time after she clawed her way out of her own grave. Spike's tears as he told her he loved her.  
  
Xander and Willow saw Buffy come out of the caves and they ran to her. They had lost Buffy in the maze of caves and fled when the shaking started. Willow had wanted to go back in to help Buffy but Xander had held her back saying the caves were going to collapse.  
  
Willow now watched helplessly as a torrent of tears rushed down her friend's face. Buffy seemed to just stare into space and never recognized Willow or Xander. It was as if she was alone. Just her and Spike.  
  
Xander rushed to Buffy's side and stared sadly at Spike's body. Xander's heart leapt to his throat as he searched for something to say. He fought back tears and wanted to hug her, but he knew she wouldn't want to be touched.  
  
Together the friends silently started for home. Christmas suddenly seemed so far away to them. The joys of the season and jolly smiles had quickly faded a long time ago and it seemed as if the whole word had stopped spinning to allow the slayer and her friends to mourn their dead. Spike may have been a vampire-a demon-but he was a part of them, a piece of their precious existence. Now he was gone forever.  
  
***  
  
Buffy's thoughts collided in her head as the hot tears burned her cheeks and landed on her now soaked jacket. Only one thought was clear and it raged in her mind. _He got his soul for me._ Buffy knew what she had to do.  
  
Buffy led her friends to the cemetery where she had patrolled so many times with Spike. It seemed empty now--empty with death. Buffy slowly turned to her friends. I have to do this alone. I owe it to him.  
  
Xander nodded in understanding but Willow looked confused.   
  
From dust to dust. Xander looked at the dead vampire in his friend's arms and finally let the tears flow. You were the biggest pain in my ass, Xander broke down, and I'm going to miss you more than you could ever imagine, man! Xander turned and started home, sobs sounding in his throat.  
  
Willow watched Xander leave and reluctantly she followed leaving Buffy alone like she has requested. It took a few minutes before Willow realized what was happening. _From dust to dust._ Willow stopped and started backing away from Xander who, knowing what Willow would do, turned to try and stop her. His face was soaked in tears.  
  
Will, she has to do it.  
  
Willow shook her head in defiance.   
  
She has no other choice.  
  
No! She can't! Not after--! Willow caught herself and looked at Xander.  
  
Xander gave her a warning look. What did you do?  
  
Nothing! I-I just sent the power back into him! That's all--I swear!  
  
Xander stared at his friend for a second. What difference does that make? When she stakes him, the power will be gone forever. Will, Buffy just lost the one man she would have spent the rest of her life with. She needs closure--she needs to make her peace. Let her put the past behind her for once--no surprises! She deserves that much.  
  
Willow's gaze fell to the ground. There's one.  
  
Xander couldn't believe what he was hearing. Buffy's best friend, who had already pulled her from what she had claimed to be Heaven, was talking about destroying Buffy again in a way that would kill the Buffy he knew so well, this time for good.  
  
Willow looked back up at Xander. It's a long shot, but at least there's hope! The power is in him, Xander, and hopefully so his is soul. If his soul still exists, it could still tame the power--it would take some time to fill his body again but--  
  
Will what are you saying? Xander was afraid he already knew.  
  
Xander, Spike might now be human and alive. Buffy's going to kill him!  
  
Xander looked at Willow for a short second then started running. He had to stop Buffy!  
  
***  
  
Buffy had watched Willow catch up to Xander before she turned and slowly walked towards the crypt. She thought about the nights she had spent with Spike there. She thought of the times she had fought with him there. They had come a very long way. It was fitting that it was finished there.  
  
The crypt came into view and Buffy hoped that, for Clem's sake, there were no other demons or vampires living there. It was Spike's crypt. It was Spike's home.  
  
Solemnly she pushed the door open with her foot and stood in the doorway for a second, staring into the dark crypt before stepping inside. Even in the dark she could see that it was the same as Spike had left it. Clem must have left thinking Spike wasn't ever coming back. Buffy was slightly surprised that Clem didn't decide to take it over as his own place.  
  
Buffy carried Spike down to the lower part of the crypt where she gently placed him on his bed. With a sob she softly kissed his forehead. Kneeling beside the bed, the slayer held the vampire's hand tight. Wracked with sobs she wished she hadn't been so mean to him.  
  
I love you, she sobbed. I love you so much! I do now! But I have to do this. I owe it to you. You've done so much for me and I could never repay you--I know that. I just wish I could have told you. If I could have, I would have died for you. Buffy whispered partly to herself, partly to the vampire laying on the bed in front of her. She meant every word.  
  
Buffy sighed a shuddering sigh and pulled a stake out of her jacket pocket. She leaned over and kissed him on the lips one last time before closing her eyes and gripping the stake. Slowly she raised the stake in her shaky hand. I'll never forget you, Spike.  
  
***  
  
Xander and Willow reached the crypt in time to see Buffy open the door and step out. She fell to her knees on the soft grass and wept. Her hand let go of something which fell to the grass next to her.  
  
Xander whispered as he stopped short of Buffy and watched her from a few paces away.  
  
Willow stopped next to Xander and stared at the grass next to Buffy with unbelief. Cradled in the short green stalks lied a wooden stake.  
  
We're too late. Willow breathed.  
  
Xander sobbed quietly. They were always too late.  
  
***  
  
When the three friends finally arrived home, their somber faces told the story without words. Dawn fell to her knees and cried her heart out. Buffy rushed to her sister's side and knelt hugging her. The sisters cried together. Anya fell into the armchair and stared at the sisters with unbelief. Tears began to fall down her cheeks. Xander rushed to her and the ex-lovers sobbed into each other's shoulders.  
  
Willow stood and watched as everyone held each other and cried. Suddenly she missed Tara so much. A pain ran through her chest. She gasped and fell to the floor sobbing. She knew how Buffy felt and even though she was a powerful witch, she was helpless for herself and for Buffy.  
  
Eventually the group of friends merged together and sat in the middle of the living room holding each other. No on spoke, they just held each other afraid to let go in case something happened to another one of them. All they had left was each other.  
  



	12. Presents

Christmas morning dawned sunny and bright. Nobody had slept leaving the Scoobies tired and depressed. Willow was the first to climb the stairs to shower and change. Slowly everyone followed with Buffy the last to shower, change, and end up back downstairs.  
  
Anya had borrowed some of Willow's clothes and was bragging about being able to fit in them. Xander was placing gifts under the tree as Dawn put the finishing touches on it. Buffy didn't remember having a tree.  
  
Buffy wandered aimlessly into the kitchen where Willow had donned an apron and was busily preparing the Christmas turkey. Buffy didn't notice Willow's smile as she sat on a stool placing her head in her hands.  
  
Nothing was the same. Christmas was supposed to be a happy time spent with family and friends, not losing them. Buffy didn't feel jolly or happy or anything. She just felt numb.  
  
Hey, Buffy. Merry Christmas. Willow had attempted her cheery smile but it wasn't as bright as usual. Her eyes held a deep sadness for herself and for her friend.  
  
Buffy didn't smile. Merry Christmas, Will. She looked at her hands and frowned. Today was going to be a long day and she wanted it to be over.  
  
I'm baking some cookies--chocolate chip! It's your mom's recipe. They'll be ready in a minute. You want some?  
  
No thanks. My stomach isn't really up for food right now. Maybe later.  
  
Okay, I'll save some for ya.  
  
  
  
The timer went off and Willow rushed to pull the cookies from the oven. Xander will probably scarf them down as soon as he sees them. Willow turned back to Buffy and frowned. She was gone.  
  
***  
  
Buffy had escaped the forced hustle and bustle and slipped to her room where she cried and slept the day away. She loved her friends but she couldn't bring herself to be around them. Buffy wanted to be alone.  
  
Buffy had many dreams of Spike, each time she woke crying. She missed him so much. She wanted him to touch her just one more time--to hold her one more time. She longed for the comfort he had always given her, even when she didn't want it. She needed him now more than ever. How could she live without him? If it hadn't been for him, Buffy would never have made it this far from her grave. She needed Spike.  
  
A soft rap at her door startled Buffy. Come in, she called quietly.  
  
Xander walked in and shut the door behind him. he spoke softly and sat down on the bed next to her. How are you feeling? I didn't want to bother you but I started worrying when I hadn't seen you all day.  
  
Buffy sighed. She leaned over and put her head on Xander's shoulder. Burying her face into his shirt she wept silently. Her shoulders shook but she made no sound.  
  
Xander gently placed his arms around her and held her close. One of Buffy's hand grasped Xander's flannel shirt and his heart broke as she clung to him for desperate comfort. He hugged her tightly and softly kissed the top of her head. Her hair smelled sweet and made him smile slightly.   
  
Hey, Buff, I bet you'd feel better with some food in your tummy. Willow is almost finished dinner and Dawn and Anya are setting the table. They've done such a wonderful job, Buffy. Xander waited for his friend's sobs to subside. They didn't. It was my job to come get you for dinner. Please don't let me go back to those women empty handed. They won't let me eat--I'll starve! Buffy's shoulders started to shake harder and Xander frowned. I-I didn't mean it like that. Please don't cry, Buff.  
  
Buffy slowly raised her head. Her face was tear stained and her eyes red and puffy, but that's not why Xander smiled with relief. Buffy's lips were curled into a small smile and she was giggling lightly. Oh come on, Xander. You know they're just playing with you. They would never starve you...well maybe Anya would...but not Willow and definitely not Dawn. She'd actually hide food in a napkin and sneak it to you as if you were a stowaway.  
  
Xander laughed and relaxed. It was good to see her smiling and laughing and it made him feel even better to know it was him who had made her laugh. It tormented him to see her cry and his heart ached to see her so sad.  
  
So what's your verdict on supper? Xander asked hopefully.  
  
Buffy sniffed and smiled. I'm going to clean up a bit and change. I'll be down in a minute.  
  
You promise?  
  
I promise.  
  
Okay, I'll head downstairs and let them know you're coming. Xander headed for the door then turned to smile mischievously at his friend. Hurry! You don't want to miss my victory dance!  
  
Buffy laughed lightly as the door closed behind Xander. Quickly she changed into a somewhat formal white top with white lace that hung from her elbows to her wrists and a pair of black pants. She wanted to look her best for her friends. They had worked hard all day for her and the least she could do was smile and look nice for them. She loved them very much and they were all she had now. She didn't deserve such good friends.  
  
Buffy went into the bathroom and ran some hot water on a cloth to wash her face. It felt good and she held the warm cloth on her face for a few seconds before hanging it over the sink's edge and grabbing a brush for her hair. Deciding to leave her hair down, Buffy glanced in the mirror to make sure everything was in order before she made her way downstairs.  
  
Delicious aromas met Buffy's nose as she descended into the living room. For the first time Buffy realized it was dark outside. She had no idea what time it was but she knew it was getting late. Beautiful white candles with golden designs etched into the wax lit the living room. The candlelight caused the tree to twinkle and sparkle. Wonderfully wrapped gifts sat beneath the tree and Buffy noticed some stockings hanging on the wall next to the tree. Everyone's names were on the stockings in silver writing. Holly and mistletoe hung from the ceiling adding the perfect touch. The room was breathtaking.  
  
Buffy heard laughing and made her way to the dining room. It was decorated the same as the living room with gold and white candles, holly and mistletoe. The table was covered with a beautiful white table cloth covered in gold embroidery. A large centerpiece made of holly and mistletoe held two large white candles which were lit.  
  
What was left of the Scoobies stood around the table and smiled warmly when she walked in, Merry Christmas, Buffy!   
  
Buffy didn't know what to say. Tears welled up in her eyes. It's so beautiful! How could I ever thank you guys? How did you do all this?  
  
Willow smiled with pride. It was nothing. Xander found the box of decorations in the back of a closet. Your mom had good taste! All the pretty decorations you see came from the box. Willow smiled thankfully at Xander who blushed. Willow pointed to the table and continued. Anya and Dawn set the table. They found the table cloth in the box of decorations along with the centerpiece. I think it's an excellent touch! She smiled at Dawn and Anya who smiled back. Willow finished in a modest tone. I just cooked the food. I didn't use any magic! Willow beamed. It's all naturally prepared.  
  
Buffy smiled again and tears spilled onto her cheeks. It's all so wonderful. I-I don't know what to say!  
  
Anya spoke her normal reasoning. You could say thank you.  
  
Xander raised an eyebrow at Anya's logic but spoke quickly before she could continue. Or you could say dig in! I don't know about you gals, but I'm starved!  
  
Thanks, guys! You're the best friends ever! Buffy smiled and wiped the tears from her face. Sorry. I didn't mean to get all misty. I guess my tears are in overdrive.  
  
Dawn walked over and hugged her sister. We love you, Buffy, and we just wanted you to know that no matter what, we are here for you.  
  
Thanks, Dawnie. I love you guys very much. I'm sorry I haven't spent much time with you today. I promise to spend all night with you guys! We'll play games and listen to music and watch black and white Christmas movies! It'll be lots of fun! A low gurgling sound coming from Xander's direction made Buffy laugh. Now for the sake of Xander's rumbly tummy, I say lets dig in!  
  
Everyone hurriedly pulled out a chair and sat down. The friends passed the delicious looking dishes around and hungrily heaped piles of it on their plates. Willow was deciding where to put her turkey when she suddenly remembered what she had wanted to ask Buffy.  
  
Buffy, where's that pendant? You know the one the lady at the mall gave you? I remember coming across a picture of something like it in one of the research books. I'd like to borrow it for a while to do some research on it--if that's okay with you.  
  
Buffy looked at her friend as if she had grown horns. It's right here, Will. Of course you can borr- Buffy stopped as she felt around her bare neck. The pendant was gone. That's weird. I don't remember taking it off. Maybe it's up in my room. I'll check for you later.  
  
Anya spoke matter-of-factly. Oh, you won't find it in your room.  
  
Buffy raised an eyebrow at Anya, What? Why not?  
  
You had it on last night when you went to look for... Anya trailed off and started again. When you came back it was gone.  
  
How do you know that? I could have taken it off before I left and forgotten about it. Buffy nonchalantly passed a bowl of mashed potatoes to Xander who piled them on his plate.  
  
You didn't, Anya's voice became quiet, almost a whisper. I know because I was looking at it. I was going to tell Xander I wanted one for Christmas. Anya's eyes flashed with sadness, but only for an instant.  
  
Xander choked on his potatoes and stared as his ex-fiancé.  
  
Anya returned the stare with one of her own for a second, confusion washed over her eyes...as if she was trying to make a decision...with the blink of her eyes it was gone. Just because you didn't marry me doesn't mean you don't have to buy me a present! I got you one.  
  
Xander noticed everyone watching him silently. Yeah, I knew that. Xander stuffed a forkful of turkey in his mouth.  
  
Willow tried to break the sudden tension but spoke tentatively. Buffy, if you did wear the pendant last night, then it must have come off when you were fighting the demons. Willow left off as if she had something else to say but thought better of it.  
  
Buffy hadn't told the Scoobies what really happened inside the caves. It wasn't because she didn't want them to know, it was because she wasn't quite sure what had happened. Everything happened in a blur.  
  
Uh, yeah...maybe. Buffy stabbed some carrots with her fork.  
  
Dawn decided to change the subject. When do we get to open presents? Dawn's eyes gleamed with excitement and anticipation.  
  
Buffy was glad for the subject change. Ooh! Presents!  
  
Can we open them after dinner? Dawn asked.  
  
Willow smiled warmly. Of course, Dawnie! Willow quickly looked at Buffy. Is it okay with you?  
  
Of course! What's Christmas without presents? Buffy beamed.  
  
Dawn put a fork full of turkey and stuffing into her mouth and smiled secretively. She couldn't wait to give her present to Buffy. It was perfect.  
  
***  
  
The gang had finished eating dinner and slowly moved to the dimly lit living room and the presents. Dawn bounced up and down with excitement. Buffy couldn't help but smile at her sister.  
  
Why don't you go first,Dawnie. Buffy knelt and picked a present from under the tree. The present said To: Dawn From: Anya'. Buffy smiled and handed it to her sister.  
  
Dawn took the present and sat cross-legged in front of Buffy. Dawn didn't hesitate tearing at the paper. I just love Christmas! She tore the last strip of paper to reveal a small white box, similar to the one she had given Spike two days before. It's so full of surprises and it's-- Dawn had pulled the top off and now she stared into the box. It's beautiful! she gasped.  
  
Inside the box was the most beautiful cross she had ever seen. The cross was made of silver and had an intricate pattern etched into the silver with gold. Four tiny diamonds sparkled, one at each of the cross' four ends. The chain was made of tiny strands of silver and gold woven together. The cross shimmered in the candlelight as each of the Scoobies took a peek and gasped.  
  
Is that real gold and silver? Oh my God! Those are real diamonds! Willow couldn't stop staring at it.   
  
Anya took the cross from it's soft cotton bed and placed the cross on Dawn's next where she fastened the clasp. It's a family heirloom, she began. It belonged to my great-great-great-great grandmother who was given it as a gift from an Arabian king. My grandmother gave it to her daughter who gave it to her daughter and so on. My nana gave it to me when my mother died. Nana told me that it would protect me from the great evil' and that I should never take it off.  
  
Willow sat enthralled by the story and urged Anya on for more. Well, why did you take it off? What was the Great Evil'?  
  
Anya sat back and continued for Willow. Well, I never wore it because I didn't want anybody to steal it. It was mine. Nobody had a right to it but me. Anya stopped herself and started back into the story. Then, of course, I became a vengeance demon, Anya's eyes fell for a second and Xander winced inside, so obviously I didn't need it for protection anymore.   
  
Willow whispered in understanding as she stared at the cross around Dawn's neck. It was so pretty.   
  
Anya blurted out.   
  
Instinctively the Scoobies jumped up and set themselves in a fighting stance. Buffy looked around the room and frowned.  
  
Anya glared at her friends with annoyance. Vampires! The great evil' my nana spoke about? Vampires weren't really seen much back then so people didn't know what they were. When people disappeared rumors started about a great evil' that nobody really had a name for. Anya finished in a hurried tone to imply the latter thoughts were really of no importance.   
  
Buffy relaxed a little and everyone sighed with relief. Suddenly they caught their breath again as a knock sounded at the door. Again they sighed with relief and silently scolded themselves for being so jumpy.  
  
Willow jumped up and bolted for the door before anyone could move first. Time for my present, she said smiling slyly.  
  
***  
  
Buffy slowly walked into the kitchen. She didn't have a clue who was at the door at this time of night on Christmas, but she didn't really feel like seeing anybody right now. She was having fun with her friends and didn't feel like being disturbed. She had taken the chance, though, to slip away from the room of people and escape to the kitchen for a moment and compose herself once again. She didn't think anyone would have noticed her leaving until the door was opened to reveal nobody really important.  
  
Buffy felt very guilty. She had no presents to give any of her friends or Dawn. They had done so much for her and she couldn't even get them gifts. She felt even more guilty for being so miserable all day. She was ruining their Christmas.  
  
Buffy picked up a salt shaker that had been left on the counter and walked over to put it back in the cupboard. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end and a tingling sensation trickled down her back. Buffy turned to face whoever had walked in.  
  
Why did you leave? asked Dawn.  
  
Buffy smiled softly. Sorry. I was thirsty. I figured somebody else would get the door so I came in here to get a drink. Who was it? Anybody we know?  
  
I don't know. I saw you leave so I went up stairs to get your present and I followed you on here. Here. Dawn pulled an awkwardly wrapped package from behind her back and handed it to her sister. It's not wrapped very good, b-but it's not what's on the outside that counts right? Dawn smiled nervously.  
  
Buffy's heart melted. Oh, Dawnie, you shouldn't have. It looks wonderful.  
  
It's nothing. Trust me. Dawn shook her head. Just something I found and thought you would want to keep.  
  
I didn't even get you anything, Buffy thought for a second. Yet! But I will.  
  
It's okay. You're still me favorite sister. Dawn smiled causing Buffy to finally take the present.  
  
Thank you. Buffy smiled and hugged her sister.  
  
Open it! Dawn cried with excitement. Her eyes twinkled.  
  
Buffy untied the silver ribbon and tore the red and green paper. It didn't take long for the paper to be torn away and thrown to the ground, to reveal a gift that Buffy could only stare at with amazement.  
  
Where'd you get this? Buffy half whispered. Her knees suddenly felt weak and her head started to spin. She closed her eyes to steady herself.  
  
Dawn's voice was soft and quivered slightly. He left it here before-- Dawn stopped and took a small breath, before he went away. I found it on the stair railing and I--I was so mad at him--I don't know why I even kept it. Tears appeared in her eyes causing them to glisten. I saw it in my closet and I thought you might like it.  
  
Buffy's eyes swelled with tears. I love it, Dawnie, thank you. Buffy smiled at her sister. It was hard to smile, but she did it.  
  
I'm going to go see who was at the door. Dawn figured the slayer wanted to be alone for a moment so she turned and left the kitchen.  
  
Buffy looked down at the unwrapped gift in her hands. It was a bit worn and slightly faded, but then it was pretty old. Buffy shuddered and tears began to flow relentlessly. She held her gift to her chest, holding it as close as she would him. Burying her face in it she sobbed violently.  
  
It smelled of leather, sweat and cigarettes. The smell comforted her, yet made her cry harder. It was all she had left of him. It was all that remained. It was all that had survived.   
  
Spike's duster.  
  
***  
  
Dawn entered the living room to a din of laughter and Willow's speedy talking. Dawn looked around at the gang and followed their gaze to a corner of the room. the corner was a darker part of the room and Dawn hadn't even noticed him standing there. He stood tall and proud as he always had. His smile was still as warm and reassuring as Dawn remembered it. It was the smile that had always made her and her sister feel like there was hope after destruction.  
  
Dawn stopped and tried again. Dawn couldn't contain her excitement. He was there! It wasn't a dream--he was really there! She ran to him and threw her arms around him. She had missed him so much! Buffy would be so happy!


	13. Surprises

Buffy decided against wiping her wet face. She didn't care how she looked right at that moment. She wasn't ready to go back to her friends just yet. She needed fresh air first. Actually, she needed more than fresh air, but that was all she could come up with at that moment.   
  
Still holding Spike's duster she walked out the kitchen door and into the small garden in her backyard. It was always a comfort for her to sit in the garden and forget her troubles. It's where her mom had always sat to relax.  
  
Buffy glanced around the garden and almost stopped breathing. She had seen it happen before but she still hadn't believed it. Large white snowflakes had begun to land softly on and make a field of white beneath her feet. Snow! Various sized white hills showed where plants and bushes stood covered in pure white snow that glistened and sparkled in the moonlight.  
  
Buffy looked up at a clear sky where stars shone brightly. Besides the fact that it didn't snow in California, and there wasn't a snow cloud in sight, Buffy felt comforted once again. The snow was truly magical and so had her love for Spike been. For whatever reasons, the Powers That Be had decided to show her that.  
***  
  
Dawn finally let the man go from her firm grip and stood back to prove to herself that is wasn't a dream.  
  
Makes a man feel loved, doesn't she? Giles smiled at Willow and removed his glasses to wipe them with his handkerchief before replacing them back on his nose.   
  
The gang smiled as Dawn blushed.  
  
Wait till Buffy hears this! Dawn beamed. Instantly she stopped and seemed to think for a minute. What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were spending Christmas in England.  
  
Ah, yes. Well, I must give the credit to Willow. She gave me a call and convinced me to come and surprise you and Buffy. I didn't have much else to do really, so I thought why not drop by? Giles laughed lightly and glanced around the room before ending back on Dawn. By the way, where is Buffy?  
***  
  
Buffy stood in the middle of the garden and stared at the clear sky. The stars were beautiful. Small tears flowed slowly down her cheeks as she saw a shooting star. She made a wish.  
  
Suddenly the hairs on her neck stood on end and the same tingling sensation flowed through her as it had when Dawn found her in the kitchen. The slayer had always been able to sense when there was somebody near her. Buffy sighed. She didn't feel like talking to anybody. Surely they would understand that. Slowly she turned around as she tried to think of what to say so as not to hurt her friend's or sister's feelings.  
  
When Buffy saw who it was, her breath left her. Her knees felt weak and ready to give way as she shivered with unbelief. A cold shock ran through her body and silence overcame her as she stood in what felt like a dream...or a nightmare. She didn't know which just yet.  
  
In front of her he stood wearing nothing but a pair of torn black jeans. His naked chest and abdomen held no wounds or scars. His wounds were gone--as if they had never existed. It was as if his body was new and his eyes sparkled like diamonds. They told her they knew something she didn't, something special.   
  
Hello, pet. His voice was soft, almost a whisper.   
  
Buffy said nothing. She couldn't speak. He stood in front of her, no pain, no hurt, no death. He wasn't real. He couldn't be real.  
  
As if to assure her of something, he reached out and gently took her wrist in his hand. Slowly he pulled it and placed her hand upon his chest. Buffy's heart leapt to her throat and her lungs ached for air. He was warm! Buffy was even more shaken and felt faint at the gentle, pulsating sensation that tingled her fingertips.  
  
A heartbeat! Buffy whispered so quietly she didn't hear it herself.  
  
I'm real, Buffy. I'm not an angel, or a ghost, I'm real.  
  
You were dead.  
  
Why didn't you stake me then?  
  
Buffy pulled her hand away and tried to back away but her feet would not move. She looked at her hand. It was shaking. He had been dead. She had seen him. Buffy remembered lying his limp body on the bed and holding the stake in her hand. She hadn't been able to stake him and she didn't know why.  
  
Slowly he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a tiny silver pendant with a green gem in the middle. It looked like the pendant the lady at the mall had given Buffy. There was one difference, this one glowed green. He handed it to Buffy who just stared at it. This was all too much for her.  
  
Buffy noticed hot tears running down her cheeks and wondered why. Silently she took the pendant and continued to stare at it. Where did you get this? she whispered absently.  
  
It was on the bed when I woke up.   
  
Buffy glanced up at him. Snow was still falling and melted as soon as it hit his shoulders. He shivered. Buffy watched him shivering for a second before she remembered the duster in her arm. Looking down at it she almost didn't want to give it to him. The duster was Spike's duster. This wasn't him. After a moment, Buffy gave in and handed him the duster.  
  
He took it gratefully and slipped it on tentatively. he managed.  
  
Buffy looked back at the pendant and, without thinking, she placed it around her neck attaching the clasp. She stared at the man standing calmly in front of her. Suddenly she saw something she hadn't seen before. On a silver chain around his neck hung a silver heart. On the heart were some words and she read them aloud.  
  
Best brother ever. Buffy thought back to a morning that suddenly seemed so long ago. She had yelled at Dawn for ignoring her instructions. Dawn gave this to you. Buffy's mind was cloudy but she remembered something about a gift. She really loves you. Buffy looked into his eyes. He looked back.  
  
Do you?


	14. The Perfect Gift

For the first time, Willow realized that Buffy was nowhere in sight. Willow frowned. She had called Giles a few days ago to ask him to come for Christmas. This was her present for Buffy and she wasn't even there to enjoy it. Maybe she's in the kitchen getting goodies.  
  
Willow ignored the Scoobies, who had huddled around the watcher, and ran towards the kitchen.  
  
***  
  
I can't do this! Buffy cried. I can't! You are dead! I killed you! I loved Angel--gave my heart to him---I killed him! I loved Riley and forced him to leave me! Tears now flowed in a torrent down her face and her voice shuddered. I loved my mom and she died. I loved Giles like a father and he left me. I can't do this anymore!  
  
He said nothing as he stared into her eyes.  
  
Buffy broke into sobs. Yes! I loved you! I loved you very much! She paused and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath to calm herself. But I killed you, she whispered. It was all my fault.  
  
A single tear fell from his eye and slowly made a single wet trail down his cheek. Softly he reached out and brushed a fallen strand of hair from her face. You saved me, he whispered.  
  
Buffy opened her eyes. Saved him? She had been too late! She had seen him---he had died. Hadn't he?  
  
Because of you I found myself. It was your smile, your laughter, that made me fight, Buffy. I loved you when I died. I will love you forever.  
  
I loved you so much, Buffy sobbed again. But I can't have you. I finally found the one, and I can't have you.  
  
Yes you can, luv. He looked deeper into her eyes and more tears fell from his own. His voice shuddered. You gave me life, Buffy! You found what I was looking for--you found your love for me, true love.  
  
It was too late!  
  
No! You found it and you gave me life! His voice was still soft but now held a tone of excitement.  
  
What do you mean? Why do you keep saying that? Buffy asked in a frustrated tone.  
  
I'm no dead anymore, Buffy. He paused and swallowed. I'm human.  
  
***  
  
Willow glanced around the kitchen. Buffy was nowhere in sight, but a scrap of wrapping paper and piece of ribbon on the kitchen floor told Willow that Buffy had been there. Willow looked around the kitchen one more time and found the kitchen door open a crack.  
  
Of course. Willow said to herself. She should have known Buffy would be in the garden.  
  
Slowly Willow walked to the door.  
  
***  
The world around Buffy began to spin and she found her breath had left her once again.   
  
_Human?_  
  
Marry me, Buffy.  
  
Buffy stared at him with shock and anger and frustration. This wasn't funny. Ghosts or spirits or whatever he was were not funny to her. She had lost the love of her life and the Powers That Be wanted to play games with her? It was not fair! You can't be serious.  
  
I am! I will do anything! Buffy, I love you!  
  
Buffy looked away from him and down at the snow beneath her feet. She couldn't look at him anymore. Buffy almost pulled back as she saw his hand reach out and take hers. Again he pulled her close to him and placed her hand upon his chest. The warmth overwhelmed her and the pulsating sensation tickled her fingertips once more.  
  
Look at me, luv. He waited for her to raise her eyes to his. I am real. This is not some kind of nasty joke. I am really here, slayer. I am human. Would I have that beating in my chest if I wasn't? More tears silently made their way down his face.  
  
Buffy concentrated on the faint, rhythmic pulsing sensations. If it wasn't a heartbeat then what was it? She thought briefly about putting her ear to his chest to listen for the soft thumping, but quickly decided against it.   
  
_Human!_  
  
I am human, Buffy. I swear it. He spoke with silent desperation in his voice. He was telling the truth.  
  
How? How could it have happened? How did she save him? _If he tames the power, he will become human._ Buffy jumped as Willow's voice sounded inside her head. Buffy's heart leapt to her throat. He had tamed the power! He really was human!  
  
Buffy threw her arms around his neck and cried.  
  
Spike held her closer, thighter, than he had ever held her before. He closed his eyes and let his emotions flow. Sobs wracked him as he buried his face in her shoulder. She loved him!  
  
Don't ever leave me! Buffy pulled away slightly and looked into Spike's eyes. Stay with me forever. She moved up to kiss him.  
  
He whispered before their lips met with the deepest passion. They kissed each other will every ounce of love and strength they had in them. All the love in the world, the universe, could not compare to they love they had for each other.  
  
Suddenly, Buffy's pendant glowed brighter and green bolts of light shot out of the two lovers. The bolts grew bigger and brighter as they encompassed Buffy and Spike who were so into their kiss they didn't notice. The lights entertwined, wrapped around themselves. It was so bright the lovers disappeared within the green glow.  
  
Willow continued to watch from the window in the kitchen door where she had stopped after seeing the two lovers in the garden. Willow smiled, her heart warm with excitement and love for her friends. Merry Christmas, Buffy! Willow wiped a tear from her cheek. Merry Christmas!  
  
***  
  
The End?


End file.
